Okay, just a heads up, this will be a long post. So, ever since I can remember, I have had signs of schizophrenia. I didn’t know what it was back when it started though. So, I’m going to explain the first experience I had with stuff like this. I don’t remember it because I was so young, but my parents have told me the stories. When I was two years old, I would go to my parents and ask to sleep in bed with them, because I said a heard a little girl’s voice telling me to go outside (there was an unlocked door to our backyard in my room). Now, I could have just been being a kid, but like I said, I don’t remember, so who knows. But then, I remember when I was five years old (most commonly when I woke up in the morning) I would hear men’s voices calling my name. I didn’t think anything about it back then. Also, I saw shapes and colors that weren’t there, but I thought it was normal. I have done research on schizophrenia in kids, and they often make weird hand movements, which I have always done. Back then it was swinging the cross on my necklace at random times.Then, the shapes and colors never stopped, along with hand movements, but the voices did. Then, when I was six, I started having delusions.I thought me and my mom had special powers no one else had. I was also convinced the monsters from the Resident Evil video game were real and were going to come get me. Not only that, but I had “rules” about them. If I closed my eyes, they were there. They were hiding in the shower. They were going to stick a needle in my belly button and kill me. There were many more rules, too many to put in this post. I did insane things to avoid the “monsters” such as screaming at the top of my lungs if I needed to close my eyes, sleeping with my hand over my bellybutton, avoiding showering, etc. This could easily be passed as a normal kid being afraid of monsters. But this wasn’t the only delusion I had. I was convinced that there was a second dimension of the universe, and I was the only one who could interact with both, though I could only see the one I was living in. This delusion also had “rules”. Pillows, toilets, chairs, and anything I could sit on where people in the other universe. Everything I said, they could hear. There wasn’t as many rules with this, but still way too many to write in one post. I also did weird things to follow the “rules” I avoided sitting as much a possible, I was quiet most of the time, and was careful when talking so I wouldn’t offend anyone in the other dimension. I know that in certain types of schizophrenia, people will pick up saying and actions of other people, well this happened to. I would watch a lot of one TV show, then start acting like one of the characters. It got so bad I started to scare my friends. Some could say that it was me just wanting to be like the characters, but I don’t remember ever doing this on purpose. I also heard voices when I was 8, but I think it was me controlling them, not really “hearing” them. Then, when I was nine, I actually heard voices. Lets note that when the voices came back, the delusions went away. The voices seemed far away, and I could hear them talking, but couldn’t understand what they said. I heard bits and pieces of things, and it scared me. I didn’t realize they were coming from my head yet. It also didn’t help that my mom told me that demons can talk to us. The voices only happened at night back then. Now, they happen all day long, but I can still only hear bits and pieces of whatever goes on. I also know its coming from my head. I have delusions again to. Except now, I believe I am a werewolf, and that my family is to. I’m happy that it doesn’t make me do insane things, though I do find a way to relate everything I do to the fact that I’m a “werewolf”. Something I forgot to mention above, I always isolated myself from other people, even in childhood, but its gotten extremely bad. I stay in my room all day, talk to my family once a day, and talk to my ONE FRIEND (compared to the five I had last year) once every few months. I forgot something else to (sorry) but its something that people are iffy about. See, some people say schizophrenia also includes violence, others say that schizophrenia doesn’t involve violence at all. Just in case, I want to include that as a child I had violent thoughts, though I would never act upon them. They stopped about the time the delusions stopped, and haven’t come back. Anyway, back to now, I also struggle with getting motivation to do work. I get extremely behind in my work, and once I get caught up, its hard to stay caught up. I almost never clean without something MAJOR happening to make me want to. I know keeping up with hygiene is also an issue, and see, I’m good about showering, but brushing my teeth is another issue. Its so hard to keep up with. So, based on what I’ve struggled with, does it seem like schizophrenia?
It’s very difficult for a lot of us to focus enough to read a post that long. It would be helpful for you and us if you could condense it into 5 or less paragraphs.
We’re here to help, but we do have limitations. And of course, if you fear a developing mental illness, talk to a doctor right away.
I read the whole thing…
Some symptoms sound like it but we can’t make the call because we’re not doctors.
A lot of that sounds like my childhood as well, with some different things.
One thing I’d like to say is people with schizophrenia can have violent thoughts or actions, but it is not always the case. It’s sad that in todays society if someone is diagnosed schizophrenic and does something violent they stigmatize everyone. Truth is there a lot of non violent peaceful people with the diagnoses.
I would talk to a doctor. It sounds very much like it.
I understand your trying to makes sense of this. I would say you have to go talk to a professional. No one can diagnose over the internet.
There are some things that you write that sound SZ, but Borderline Personality disorder, Schizoaffective, and a host of other things can be tangled up in this.
If you’re concerned, you need to talk to someone who can get the ball rolling towards you feeling better.
P.s. I hate to say it, but I too have had a very hard time reading this with no paragraphs or spaces.
Sorry its hard to read. I’m kinda lazy when it comes to adding paragraphs and stuff, lol.
haha… that’s ok…I read it…
As far as the “Werewolf” beliefs…I think a lot of that comes from things we see on TV. Now, there are natural things that can lead to that assumption, such as certain Native American and other tribal beliefs that we can have a Totem or medicine Animal, and if it’s a wolf and we are not taught, or just have no knowledge of these ancient things we could get caught up in the Werewolf thinking. Along with that comes shapeshifting beliefs where a person might be able to change their appearance as perceived by another. All this stuff has been twisted by authors and Hollywood movies, and it’s amazing how many people believe they are Werewolves or dragons or whatever.
PS: By the way, I am part Native American and my medicine animal is the Wolf - but I don’t believe I am a werewolf. Probably because i learned years ago from the Natives themselves all about the belief in medicine animals.
I had to read the full text just out of a respect to the question. I would heed the suggestions previously posted and speak with a doctor. The duration and specifics of your experience would suggest schizophrenia. Could it be something else? Yes. I’ve known people with brain tumors that had symptoms of schizophrenia but when the tumor was either removed or treated the symptoms went away. In this forum you can compare your experiences with others that have already been diagnosed. That is a good way to start understanding what you may be dealing with. However, seeing a doctor and having the tests run is the only way to know for sure.