Last night I stumbled upon some schizophrenia-related talk online and I became intrigued. In fact, it reminded me of a period in my childhood which I’ve mostly blocked out and faintly remember. I’ll try to be as concise as possible in the following recollection.
Sometime between the ages of 6 and 9 (there’s no way for me to pinpoint the exact period) I started having delusions about an incoming war. I don’t know why or when this started or why and when it stopped. I was absolutely terrified. I thought it could start at any point and I would even imagine soldiers coming down the hill that overlooks my city. Looking for signs became my obsession, especially when I went outside and expected sirens to start blaring at any moment. The most ridiculous part was seeing random civilian helicopters passing by and taking that as “proof” that I am right. At night I would have the most terrifying nightmares imaginable so I was afraid of going back to bed whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, Although painfully embarrassed, I would often go to my parents’ bedroom and ask them to sleep in their bed because I was so scared of going back to my room. I never told them the actual reason and they took it for insomnia or lack of activity,
Last night I thought it must have been schizophrenia or something similar, but today I read more about it and it seems that children with this illness have an array of other issues as well as being emotionally and intellectually underdeveloped, none of which are my own symptoms. I watched footage of those children and all of them behave erratically and seem to have autism.
As I still know little about this illness, I want you to tell me is this schizophrenia, delusional disorder or just a case of wild imagination. I would be happy to tell you more about myself and my current state of mind if necessary. Thank you in advance.