Ever since my diagnosis I’ve thought about suicide every day. I don’t even know why I’m so depressed. Even right now my life is good and I just think about suicide all the time.
That’s hard, I remember a time when I obsessed about it daily. I started taking rexulti and the obsessing stopped. But I still think about it obviously. Sometimes it’s almost like a stress reliever in a weird way, I think if worse comes to worse I always have an out. I know that’s not terribly healthy though.
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Yeah it’s kind of like that for me too. I used to tell myself that if I didn’t get into another four year university I would just end it. I felt like it gave me the motivation to study harder than I would have otherwise. However I did start at another university last quarter and I thought the thoughts of suicide would go away after that but they didn’t.
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I think your children want you to live 
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Yeah, sure, why not. I want to see how this play ends.
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I want you to live 
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In my experience, jail is no place to go for housing and three hots and a cot. That is the worst place in the world to get that. I’d much rather go to a shelter of some kind for that.
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I want to live until the day I die. At least 
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That’s the same way I often feel.
I know I would be letting my mom down if I hang myself even though somedays it’s all I can think about.
When she’s gone it’s going to be a different story
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