Do you have to have some jerk in you to get by?

I heard the other day from someone that in this world “you have to be a douche to get the girls and make it,” is this true?

No unless you wanna attract the wrong girls…Jerks are attracted to jerks while nice people attract nice people. You should aim towards attracting nice people…it just takes a little more patience to be nice :blush:


Good advice and I don’t plan on being a jerk its just weird that at my age everyone thinks they need to be this impressive mean person and its isolating


Threads like this keep coming up, and I always say the same thing. Guys who are jerks tend to attract girls with low self-esteem who don’t think they can do better. These girls are typically very beautiful and very sexual, because they find value in themselves through approval of men, usually sexually. They don’t really care about the personality of the guy, they just don’t want to be alone. They are more likely to be drawn to abusive personalities, because they think they deserve to be mistreated.

The nicer guys tend to attract girls who are capable of taking care of themselves and who find value from within. These girls tend to be more independent, and would rather be single until the right guy comes along.

The problem lots of nice guys have is that just being nice isn’t enough to impress this type of girl. You have to be nice, yes, but you also have to be smart, interesting, attractive, and self-sufficient. Lots of “nice guys” think they deserve a girlfriend because of how nice they are. But nobody deserves another human being as a reward for being nice. That isn’t how relationships work.

So yes, being a jerk can get you noticed by certain girls, and those girls are usually less likely to ever say no or set a boundary. It depends on what kind of girl you want.


Dang I think you just schooled half the population of college students including me. I’m gonna use that in the future if I ever hear about being a jerk will get you far.

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Pretty much what I said…But more detailed @cj9556

I tend to think of those “low self-esteem girls” as jerks, because they seem like jerks to me. And those smart independent girls are seemingly “nice” girls.

I think where you’re wrong, is everyone is smart, interesting and attractive, just some people don’t get the chance to prove themselves as smart, interesting and attractive. Sure, if all you do is whine all day about it then you’re not going to attract anyone, but it is indeed a frustrating situation to be in, when everyone is capable and deserving in actuality in my opinion.

And also it depends on your culture. Here in the United states you’re looked down upon from coming from a “wealthy family” unless you’re very successful yourself. While other countries like Latin America for example, self-sufficiency isn’t important. It’s about marrying “rich”. Like my Ecuadorian co-worker who works for my Dad always says “Go up to girl and say you got money! Then it’ll be easy to find girl!” But I’ve been conditioned to be ashamed that I’m from a family that owns a business because I’m SZ and I’ve lived in Westchester and Fairfield County… It’s kind of like a closeted position I’m in. So I don’t think self-sufficiency is true everywhere, but maybe in the United States…or at least our area where self-sufficiency rules all…Makes it tough for SZ’s to be honest which is why so many SZ males are single…


I agree that it is harder for sz men than women in that regard because the stigma against not working is stronger for men in our society. Nobody bats an eye when I say I work part time in retail. My fiancé takes care of all the bills for the most part, and everyone is fine with that. When a guy says he isn’t working, he is judged more harshly, and that isn’t fair.

Self sufficiency is about more than financial independence, though. Being able to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, and being able to manage your illness responsibly are very attractive qualities. Fiancé doesn’t mind that I can’t support myself, but it is very important to him that I take my meds on time, contribute to the household chores, and work as much as I am able. He likes that I talk through my problems to find a solution instead of complaining uselessly, and that when I am having a symptomatic day I stay away from coffee and alcohol. All those things are part of self sufficiency.


The thing is, I just have no opportunities with women. Occassionaly I’ll work a job, or volunteer and all the girls there will become attracted to me EVENTUALLY…but either a. they have a boyfriend/husband or b. they turn out to be batshit crazy (no offense to anybody, but the one that was single was BATSHIT crazy, i don’t wanna explain it again)…

So yeah, I’m just being patient.

I also believe in the stars :stars:

I don’t really mesh with certain signs. My whole family has married their “Ideal astrology sign match”, and none of my family has gotten divorced, which is why I believe in it so much.

I also am waiting for a woman, not a girl who’s 18-20…but a woman. I have no time for childs-play and notice that 18-20 either are confused, childish, lots of those “jerks” and just meh…I don’t really like younger girls. I prefer them 21+ which may take a couple years until they think I’m mature enough to be with them…because well, that’s how it works.


I also always refused to date anyone younger than me. People in that age range are just at a different phase in their life, and I can’t relate to them anymore.

Fiancé always says I may be insane, but at least I’m not crazy. Crazy, in this sense, meaning people who start drama and get super irrational and overly upset about things that don’t matter.

She was just a nutjob Christian extremist who wanted to be a Christian missionary, and would always brag about keeping her virginity at 26, and didn’t believe in the big bang, and just a complete racist/bigot, obnoxious and didn’t have any desire to make the relationship work/change for me at all (you shouldn’t completely change for anybody but you should be able to change a little bit)…ehhh enough Jon…all you had to say is you “didn’t like the girl” :smiley:

Did I mention she was a narcissist and made my symptoms go through the roof, driving me to the point of insanity.

Yeah, I should’ve known that I wasn’t going to find a relationship that was good for me that early in recovery…

I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a few of those types in Catholic school. They are absolute nightmares, and I feel sorry you had to encounter that. She probably thought you were possessed or some crap too.

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Lol I went to a Catholic school too! I was raised catholic but I have a very jewish last name…college was a nightmare for me…between that and developing SZ…although there weren’'t too many “extremists” at my college, although they were conservative mannered for the most part…something I’m not

People like that are the exact reason I don’t go to church anymore. A lot of modern Christians totally ignore the entire gospel, which is the part of the bible their entire religion is supposed to be based on.

Need 15 chars

I think i live in a world of delusion and fear cuz the only nice guys I’ve ever seen are in movies. I also don’t believe in bad boys… I have this delusion where everyone is a douche but no one is bad at the same time

That’s what she said lol

Another of my favorite spots on the internet, and on topic. Language is ripe, as you can probably gather from the title:

So Chivalry.

I’ve heard a lot of people say it’s dead. It used to be a lament, and then it turned into a joke, and now it’s just a fact that almost everybody accepts. Chivalry is dead, because it’s 2015 and nobody wants to suck your dick for holding the door open for them. And it’s true, nobody wants to do that to your hog in exchange for that minor favor. But that’s not what the ■■■■ chivalry is. Chivalry is a complicated, difficult, and ultimately good code of ethics that you probably have a fundamental misunderstanding of. So let me set some things straight:[/quote]


Copy and paste the link, if you can’t figure out what the blacked out word is to replace it, the article itself will probably not be to your liking.

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I’ve also heard that “nice guys finish last”. I don’t think being a jerk alone helps you get women, because if it did I couldn’t fight the women off me. There are other traits that are more important in getting women than just being a jerk. Things like self confidence and manners matter a lot to most women. I think if you want to be a sexual athlete it helps to be a jerk.

Well, the cliche is that girls say they want a nice guy but in most cases girls go for the “bad boy”. And lots of “bad boys” are jerks who are encouraged by girls to be jerks.