Schizophrenia.com

Do you have a fear of psychosis?

I do. I have experienced two relapses in 2012 after me coming off the meds. These two relapses left me with terrible memory about being psychotic. It’s like someone hijacked my mind and played a long long horror movie inside of my brain, always killing, killing and murdering murdering, as if my whole family were killed by those who persecuted me and chased me up for revenge. And I was very delusional about this world around me. I felt like this was the end of the country and the world because the planet was going to explode into pieces and the country was sold to my enemies and they were going to set my house on fire to burn me up as a spirit. Wow, the whole month I was in extreme fear of this kind of persecution and felt I was cornered by my enemies.

Now two years has past but I still hold this kind of memory of being persecuted and cornered. And am very frightened about not to take meds.

Do you have similar memory about your psychotic episode?

greenlife

I feel a dread of the things I do and say when I am not on my medications. If things get too bad you might need to go back on your med’s.

No I don’t fear psychosis, although its not pretty. I think what I fear the most is my husband’s having to suffer because of me being sick. I live in fear of going crazy again and causing loved ones pain. I will never forget how much my mother suffered when I had my first breakdown…

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My psychosis always begins with seeing the devil. I also see he when I am under extreme stress. Either way I begin freaking out thinking the worse is coming and he has come to take me to hell.

I live in deep fear of relapse. I try not to let it consume me. No idea what will happen in future, but I will keep working towards not having a full break down.

Yes, I’m very afraid… all that work, all that hope, all that stability… slipping away and starting over.

But as I’ve said before… if I do end up on the road out of lucid town, I will work to get back there as soon as I can. I’ll still have my family, I’ll still have my doc and my therapist. So with my crisis team… as long as I can get even a grain of insight, I’ll work and get back to living in lucid town once more.

There are some episodes I have NO memory of… then there are some that have been starting to resurface and I don’t like it. I’ve always had a deep fear of kidnappers. I’ve spent so much of my life thwarting kidnappers. Now that some of my actions are long over and the consequences long paid, I just have to let it go. My kid has let it go, and she’s the one I most affected with my psychosis. So I have to learn to let it go.

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Uh yeah. My episodes are up their with my memories of being molested and nearly drowning in an undertow when I was little. I never even think about going off of meds. I tried Latuda instead of Geodon last fall and it was horrible, I had a three day episode and it felt like the end of the world. I mean I was not good, twitchy, anxious, had akathisia so my legs were restless, was hearing and thinking crazy ■■■■, ended up screaming at the kitchen floor and then taking a break to quote ancient philosophers.

You should be scared of quitting meds. They are a necessity for everyone who is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Yeah, some people function without them, but they have self-harm, suicide attempts and self medication problems. Like me- I was a self harming alcoholic who had tried to hang himself before I got on meds.

Yes, if you arent afraid of psychosis, there is something wrong with you, either anosognosia or denial most likely (not always, there are always exceptions). Or you have fun LSD trip psychosis, not the paranoid “theyre watching and plotting to kill me” psychosis that makes you spend 22 hours of the day in your bedroom and sleep with two knives under your pillow and combat boots next to your bed.

Im speaking from experience. If I heard bumps in the night, (which I did, among other things) I would slip into my boots, grab my two knives and go hunting. Talk about paranoid schizophrenia mixed with slight psychopathic tendencies. It’s funny now but it was not humorous in the least bit while it was happening.

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Since my first and only psychotic break where I was way off, all of the positive symptoms I was experiencing, on medication I have cooled off. Self medicated with weed, that only made the paranoia worse, but it did calm me down, I would just smoke and not leave the house, for days at a time.
Now, out of psychosis I just hear voices, mild paranoia, but I have severe suicidal thoughts and depression. The days seem to get longer and longer and I just want to die.
However, I’m not scared of psychosis, because some days, I have a death wish it seems. So if my psychosis comes back, I wonder how it’s going to differ from the first psychosis. I don’t know if it will ever come back, only if I start not to sleep I think. It’s been almost 3 years now and I haven’t come close to that level, but have had a few episodes of relatively higher intensity, especially withdrawing from marijuana.
Almost clean 30 days now and moved back in with my parents, so that will eliminate my need and opportunity to smoke as I’m here with them almost all the time. Don’t leave the house too much.

Fear is healthy in this context. You need that motivation to stay on your meds and give yourself some distance from it (by being socially active, positive, and consistently disciplined about staying in control of your thoughts).

I have to talk to people in person each day to keep myself stable. We are social animals, so we have to connect in some way. This is a problem with the social anxiety that some of us have at times. I see it as getting back on the horse when you’re knocked off by anxiety. Excessive alone time is unhealthy. I recognize that it is hard to trust. I couldn’t do it. I was afraid of my own family.

When I was in the hospital our family friend who is a judge called one of the psych docs for me. Just knowing that I had people outside of my family looking out for me helped me to recover immensely. I know not all of us have that same system of support. So you can count on me (while I’m well) to try and help with any problems.

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i don’t have a fear, but i don’t enjoy it, it is a horrible experience.
take care

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Maybe I’m just extra weird, but I enjoy psychosis. It gears the normal schizo thinking outward, so instead of a string of "what if"s it’s more a string of "this is"s so I’m atleast active instead of spinning out in one place. I’ve had murderous thoughts during psychosis, but I don’t believe that would ever take place. When I’m psychotic, I know I’m psychotic, and I go some place where I can be all psychotic to myself.
Really the thoughts during psychosis are less sz than out for me, so it’s kind of relieving. But if it were the opposite way, yeah, I would have a healthy fear of psychosis. Do what you feel is best for you.

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I have a fear of psychosis because the last time I was psychotic I ended up homeless with just the shirt on my back, pennyless. It didn’t matter how many houses I owned or that I was working full time and had a bundle in the bank. I ended up in the hospital too. I take my meds to prevent psychosis. It was a hard lesson learned.

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I welcome psychosis. Not scared of it at all. I’d rather be psychotic than live in this pathetic existence. I don’t even care if I die during the psychosis. I ordered a backpack and plan on taking a trip to America. Kind of like Christopher McCandless aka Alexander Supertramp.

I’ve dealt with the psychosis 10 years now, non-stop even medicated. Someone is talking MOST of the time…

I think you need to know this. Read up on ‘gang stalking’ and ‘cause stalking’. You are better off knowing these terms and understand some of the closet psychotics deal with the voices by following orders - it starts out stalking specific strangers to verbally harass them about something private. Then these people get forced into doing worse - vandalism, trespass, date specific people with intent to harm, harass coworkers & ruin work for customers. It is best to NEVER follow orders from the voices in my opinion but lots of people will follow orders in some cities. Some church pastors even advised their parishioners to act this way, even to other people in church to force out unprofitable people.

Realize it is against mental care policy to talk about this and they call it delusional. They refuse to assist too causing the confused to go insane. If you ever show any anger with your care team, you will be forcible hospitalized for an ‘attitude adjustment’ at your own expense. Many people do lose their employment when this happens and can end up homeless, or left in the permanent care of the govt mental clinic people.

After being mistreated in two churches (2 more before this) plus meeting several spooks who hide in churches, seeing how humans treat another person will devastate some. You can NEVER really be okay once you have been harassed out of employment in more than one place either & you are working class. It is even worse if you met the crazy professors at school who will bully a person on student loans into failing & student has to pay back those loans immediately… Many schizo victims do go reclusive…I get to see things how they are most of the time, even attending events with a few who act crazy & having strangers say something nuts when they encounter me in public. Heck, I moved to big city alone & had group of strangers surround me 3 times & harass me about ‘being on the check’. I had never discussed my income…(I didn’t like that city. The nuts were MUCH more aggressive & most people who heard the voices long enough were fired from their good jobs & forced to work in retail/fast food verbally harassing specific customers who are usually hearing the voices too… Most of the people in this city were psychotic part of the time anyway. It is normal.)

I got to age 30 before I saw this crap out of strangers after a nervous breakdown… You can be okay if you know this stuff…Keep the good people, ditch the rest, find an okay employer (or train on something to work from home as an accommodation) & just live.

You should know, anyone who tries to pick you up & tries to talk to you about something private they should not know (kind of a parrot of your own mental voices sometimes) a few times is almost always so screwed up it is self harm to date them…Men are batterers and women are financial abusers or cheaters. These will not hold down a job & help in any way with anything…they are psychopathic usually. Just be aware of this…

I had of fear of becoming insane when I was young. Well that did not work out. Now I have a fear of intrusive thoughts
thinking and seeing them. What’s worse I get harrassed for them. I was on a site for OCD/intrusive thoughts and a lot of them are severely suffering from this disorder they have no peace, always in a state of panic and fear.

I’m not plagued constantly with a fear of being crazy, but I am wary of it. It’s painful, and poor decisions can lead back down that yellow brick road of delusion. I don’t want to be that way. It is very frightening, let’s just be honest. Schizophrenia is the scariest disease alongside cancer because it’s invisible. It steals your mind from you, and you have to find a way back to it, or take it back, or have it given back through help. Reaching out for help is the brave step that we must take.