I’ve been trying to change some of the most formative beliefs about myself—therapy doesn’t change the fact that don’t like myself, and the things I’ve said, done, and become. I feel like I became my worst self in psychosis, and what’s buried underneath is haunting and terrifying. Every day I debate with myself wether or not I’m fundamentally good. I do not have a good self-image, and my mind is most often derogatory—it proactively tries to make me feel awful all of the time. I do my best to try and use positive affirmations and positive self-talk, but I feel like I am beyond healing and repair.
Generally speaking, I feel good about myself. You should as well. You’ve been through a lot and survived.
I feel exactly the same way. I sometimes wonder how I would be judged if I was to die soon. Has my life been in vain? I’m not a religious fundamentalist, but I do believe I will have to account for the way I’ve lived my life.
Really don’t want to make this thread about your religious beliefs @crimby . Let’s try not to change the subject into one of religion.
Sorry. I was trying to be metaphysical, not religious, but there is overlap between the two.
The best thing can think about myself is that I am growing and it’s never, never too late to become a better person.
I’m sorry you feel badly about yourself.
My own self esteem issues don’t stem from my past or things I have done, but more about my appearance.
I feel shitty about my hairline receding (I’m female, so this is not really expected like it is for men, even though men can be self conscious about it, too). I feel shitty about all the acne scarring on my face and the eczema rashes on my body and face.
I feel bad about my gut, which is disproportionate to the rest of me (my whole body is pretty skinny, and then my belly is kinda big). Seroquel made me gain weight, but it all went to my gut.
I feel better about myself lately. I was feeling bad because my voice (I constantly hear a voice) points out what I don’t have and mistakes, failures, bad situations from the past. So, I spent more than a year and a half thinking about the decisions I’ve made. I came back around to feeling good about my decisions. So, I feel better about myself.
I have a lot of reasons to like myself, I have a lot of reasons to not like myself. Maybe I’m just neutral. I made the woman at the auto parts store laugh when I commented that her bad ass tattoo on her forearm and her long, carefully manicured fingernails were a funny combination. It broke the ice and she was really helpful after that. I liked myself a little more after that exchange. And the guy at Rite-aid laughed a little meanly at something I did but after he rang me up we ended up on friendly terms. That helped my self esteem a little too.
Try not to takes the things that the voice was saying to you seriously. Because, keep in mind that this voice springs forth from a diseased mind state. I also had an extremely hyper critical voice it was impossible at the time to argue my way out of ‘hell’. What ever I argued it just wasn’t good enough. It really scared me and still does sort of. I wish I could help more, but know that I understand
I try to not let these thoughts and voices shape my reality—I’ve tried fighting them by talking back, I’ve tried reciting positive affirms, but they are extremely stubborn about not letting me feel good about myself. Maybe I need to learn how to meditate. I feel like exist entirely in my head, like I am completely lost in my own mind, and I am just sort of floating through life barely able to function in the real world.
That sounds challenging.
I wish I could help. I kind of understand as my psychosis stayed with me for a very long time first time round. But not longer.
Have you tried clozapine under pdoc supervision
No. But I’m getting alot better at accepting my situation unfortunately. Feel weird in groups. Burst out laughing in inconvenient moments around people. Though i’m currently volunteering. I couldn’t talk or interact that well for a while but seems to have improved. I get very nervous and laugh which makes people think i’m laughing at them. So im either pulled out of a room when this happens or have to walk out trying to be conscientious. But have to try to break the cycle somehow. Just things go wrong when I am social. Can’t find things to say and paranoid about relapsing very badly and sponateously. I have one irl friend. I don’t drink alcohol. Unless its cooked. Last time i did I fell unconscious and cracked my head open. My humor can be highly inappropriate but I don’t realise unless I reflect alot after. And realise what it could translate too. Which I didn’t mean. So yes all told I’m very a-social. But maybe this will change in time.
I feel good about myself.
Nope, not right now.
I was real happy and relaxed. But every time that happens for a while, my mind thinks: “jeej, that’s the perfect time to throw nasty stuff at you, let’s integrate all the painful truths, now you are feeling so strong”. I’m stable still. But it hurts. I want to go back in time. Change life choices. So that they worked out better for myself, but especially for my kid and our relationship. I’m quite pissed off at myself, my family and my MH team at the moment. For all the irrepairable damage done to my kid (and me). I wish I had known better and done better. And I wish the others had helped me, instead of pushing us deeper into the ■■■■. I wish I had listened to my intuition instead of their nonsense.
Sorry you too aren’t feeling good about yourself. It’s really hard to deal with. I know. I hope you find a good way to cope.
i am at a point where i hate myself
the voices are out of control and i feel weak
the voices keep reminding me of all the bad ive done in the past
im exhausted trying to stay stable
hoping the increase in meds will help
i just gotta take one day at a time
I understand, they do the same to me. Keep fighting, my friend.
I really align with what you said in first post. Its like i cant forgive myself… Yet i keep on living. I keep living with myself despite the fact that i cant. A weird situation to be in