I feel like I am cheating by trying to act like ppl who have no mental illness. By hiding my sz. Some family members and presz friends think I am living a normal full life working, married etc with no mental illness. Even my parents told that to some family members to hide my sz. I feel like a fake normal healthy human.
Most of the time I try to do what normies do like working full time, studying in university, etc I fail or its too hard and I don’t do good so I am not happy of my performance. Even when I had a job and was hanging out with friends I felt fake.
My default state is one of calm gloominess because I’m at least mildly depressed most of the time. I don’t try to hide that anymore. If people would rather not deal with that, fine by me, lol.
My close friends and immediate family know about my illness. Some of my friends don’t know that I haven’t worked consistently for years. That I have spent the majority of my adult life un- or underemployed, and I have lied about my various careers and jobs.
As I go about my everyday life, I fake it. I live near my family and interact with them frequently, and it feels like there is this “understanding” that I will act normally.
Everyone of my family members knows I have schizophrenia, most of my clients know I have it. I don’t have any friends but some of the people I knew from school know i have it. I haven’t told anyone at work because there is no need, I can do my job just fine, I don’t need any special treatment.
I think I come across as “normal” to most people in real life, no one has ever suspected I have schizophrenia or any mental health conditions in over a decade. The only people that know are those whom I’ve told. I don’t feel like I am cheating, I don’t try to act normal. I’m just myself and that is usually good enough for most people.
I’m not faking being normal, I’m just as normal as I’ve always been. The negative symptoms mean I can’t endure certain activities my stamina is not physically associated with my muscles anymore its also a factor of how much the illness affects how my muscles feel to me.
I mask and act like a neurotypical in professional settings and in some volunteer settings. By which I mean making sure I make eye contact, my conversation is measured with a proper cadence and emotion, I emulate humor response, etc. This is unfortunately necessary to network and build contacts to advance professionally and socially. I don’t pretend I’m anyone that I’m not (I’m not telling people I’m a doctor or lawyer or that I have more money than I do).
With friends and family I’m just me. I don’t have to worry about the right amount of eye contact and such.
Yeah, I feel that way sometimes. Then I remember that it’s nobody’s business that I have schizophrenia and I remind myself, “Why tell anyone something that they will just use against me?” The first twenty years no one could tell and I didn’t feel guilty or like I owed it to to tell people. Now some people know I have a mental illness even though I think it’s rare that they guess exactly what that illness is.
I’ve been wearing my normie mask for like 15 years. Yeah it’s annoying but society doesn’t really understand serious mental illness. It gets brushed under the rug a lot
Personally I have hurt my life too much as a result of lying so I don’t do that anymore unless I have no choice or it’s to not hurt someone’s feelings. The key for me is limited disclosure. If someone asks what I do for a living and I’m not working, I say I’m on disability. They usually just leave it at that. They may ask what happened though, and I’ll say it’s due to mental health issues. They may leave it at that, too. But if they ask me to get really specific, I have no problem telling them that I have schizophrenia. I think I come across as friendly and personable so they don’t get too unnerved by learning that I have schizophrenia, and usually they just ask basic questions about it like whether I hear voices or if I’m on medication, stuff like that. I don’t know why but I can manage to turn a potentially scary conversation about my Sz into something harmless overall.
I try to behave normally, but a lot of times when I’m in a public place, voices will say something so outrageously untrue, that you can hardly keep your mouth shut. It’s like they want you to act crazy in front of people.