to just sort of stop trying. I don’t mean suicide or anything. Just stop doing anything more than necessary and let things pass you by.
You’re feeling lonely and desperate to find someone to care for? Don’t try to connect to people. Just ignore the feeling, turn on Netflix, and watch The IT Crowd.
You’re heavy? Don’t try to lose weight. Just let whatever happens happens
You want to be a writer? Don’t write. Just play video games and read what other people write instead. That is much easier.
I’m just tired of tying and never getting anywhere. I had this dream before I was diagnosed. I was swimming against this giant whirlpool. And I swam as hard as I could. But no matter how hard I swam, the best I could do is not get pulled in further. And if I needed to rest for a second, I’d be sucked right in.
That’s what I feel like a lot of times. That I’m trying my best but getting nowhere. It is just really tiring. And maybe it is better if I get even fatter and spend all my time watching The IT Crowd. Why can’t things be easy for a little while?
I do sometimes feel like that, especially when I feel like I’m not getting anywhere.
But when I do give up, tihngs tend to get even worse
I’ve often given up and I feel like giving up on everything now. All I’m doing is Assertive Community Treatment (ACT) right now and I was thinking of quiting today because I don’t want to do it for six months. I really don’t want anyone in my life either unless they’re positive and helpful so I’m cutting everyone except my dad out of my life.
Sometimes I give up because I feel like I can’t go on. Between sza and my physical problems, it’s just overwhelming. My husband takes over, and I just hide in my room. Weight has been an issue for me lately. I’m fighting so hard not to gain it, but I just do anyways. It makes me wonder if it would be easier to just say, “Screw it!” and eat what I want because I’m going to get fatter anyways.
yup i’m already at that place…
@Futomimi that is well written. That’s pretty much how I feel a lot of the time. Why bother? But something makes me get back up and try again. I guess we fight when we can and rest when we can’t. What else can we do. It’s sad but sometimes our best just isn’t good enough and that’s when we have to get help. It sucks being disabled but that’s the reality of the situation.
I’ve given up before. I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. But it got So. Much. Worse. I can’t even begin to tell you how much worse things will get if you just give up on yourself. I guarantee you’ve made progress, even if you don’t notice it. Maybe it would help you to keep a journal every day. Then, when you feel like you’ve tried and tried and made no progress, you can look back and go, “oh, man, look how much better I am now than three months ago.”
Did that. Got heavier, wound up needing an assist from an oxygen bottle. Got into an even deeper funk. Got myself some anti-depressants, got moving, feeling better and doing things again.
No longer need the oxygen bottle, either.
Thank you everybody. I’m sorry. It just seems like I try so hard but when I hit a bad spot it’s really bad. Just had a bad night last night. I shall put my armor back on and jump into the fray again.
I feel you… . I am so depressed I don’t even try anymore.
I want to do more but I am so depressed. 2 years ago I had a psychotic break and took a razor to my chest slashed it 6 inches long needed stiches. I use to be so into fashion and clothes and now I can’t wear any of my favorite tops because the scar shows. It depresses me so much it’s not even funny. I just gave up on life. Between being on the invega sustenna needle and not working I just gave up.
Yeah, giving up has its attractiveness but after awhile, on a realistic day to day basis it would get old fast.
Sure dieting is tough and it would be extremely fun to just give up and eat whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like eating it. But I’m overweight now and I don’t hate my body but I sure don’t like looking at the weight on my stomach. And when I go out in public and see an overweight guy my age it dawns on me that other people see me that way too and that motivates me to keep dieting.
I needed this post tonight.
I have struggling a lot with feeling “willful.” Maybe I should stop these medications and take up herbal supplements or something? The meds only mask the problems for an hour or two anyway. Maybe I’ll give up walking, because I can’t even walk a mile. Maybe I should just stop eating, then binge, then purge until I rip another Mallory Weiss tear in my throat. Maybe I should abandon my family in this crisis time to submerge into myself.
Maybe I should.
You shouldn’t give in. You are having a moment of weakness like I was when I wrote it. The meds suck but they are a lot better than what happens without them.
Hope can hurt. But I re-realized that it is better than no hope at all. It is better to experience pain than experience nothing. And maybe struggling through the pain can lead to some kind of peace.
Will is good. Fighting against it is good because maybe someday there will be something to stand on. A new medication, a person to really understand us, a more understanding society. Those things are not impossibilities.
Thank you for your thoughtful response! I do think that there are number of steps needed to walk the walk of recovery from SzA. Hope doesn’t so much hurt as it is expense! But I haven’t lost all of it. I just have this willful shadow following me while I go through all the “right moves.”
To help myself, I’m focusing on the ‘baby steps’ rule. Which is sort of from the movie ‘What about Bob’ lol. I’m only worrying about what I have to do so I feel like I’ve done enough today and have a positive start tomorrow. I’m trying not to look at the big picture and the far flung future.
It has helped me in the past. It is just sometimes the future feels like it is crashing in on me and I forgot to stick to the rule.
It reminds me of a skill I learned in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. One Mindfully. Being present in the moment to focus on one thing.
I wonder what to do if it seems if the present is the problem. Intrusive thoughts, paranoia, voices… Maybe that’s the med’s job and that other stuff to treating the underlying stress.
The meds and in my personal experience doing your best to be calm. You can’t push away the thoughts with anger.
I’ve always thought as schizophrenia as my brain working against me, trying to upset me. My first therapist didn’t like the analogy but my third says that distancing myself from it by viewing it as separate from myself is healthy.
My brain wants me to be upset at the stuff it puts in there, the stuff that gets past the meds. But I’m not going to let it. I just try to be as calm as possible and distract myself as much as possible until it passes.
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