Do you compare yourself to "normies"?

I compare myself a lot to normies. Even when I catch myself and try to stop it, I soon slip back into it. I think it’s impossible not to.

I think this has a very detrimental effect on my mental health because when I catch myself doing it and stop it, I feel much better.

When I’m doing it, I feel for example I should be married with kids. I want neither. Sorry, but I don’t.

Any advice on how to handle this? Or do you not suffer from this “comparison” problem?

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More so when I was surrounded by normies, in my working years. Can’t believe its almost 5 years out of work. time flies.
In those days I was accepted as a normie - it was okay, but yeah I was struggling.

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Don’t think I compare myself to anyone on a regular basis, sure look at some people wish I had what they do, or wish I could live their life but never on and on about it.

Worked years ago in some pretty rough fields, things on the outside are not always as they look. Not as normal as you would think.

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but never on and on about it.

Yeah, that’s my issue. I seem to do it on a constant basis. Maybe this is where talk therapy would come in handy.

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I do it aswell.

But what I find is that people compare me to normies. My sister this morning was clearing my parents house. I was staying over because im moving and I am currently between homes.

All she did was compare me to other normie family members for not cleaning. It was a pain.

Apart from that i also compare myself to normies. But i do say to myself now, you were sick, your health turned against you. It does make me feel better.

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Yeah sometimes I look back on my life with shame at some of my behaviour. I have to remind myself that I was sick, but part of it was to do with being young and stupid.

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I have the same thing. its the desire to be perfect and then having all the bad bits of your life come flying at you.

I get it straight in the stomach when i get negative feelings like that. I try talking to myself rationalising the situation but its a pain.

Do tell yourself that all people make mistakes when they are young. Its what being young is all about.

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Yes you are right Martin. That is it. We all make mistakes. I don’t think it is too healthy to take life so seriously.

I think what I notice the most when I compare myself to normies are all the things that are missing from my life. Like you said not having a wife and kids is a big indicator at my age that something is not right with the equation. I just came from a birthday party and I felt like a fish out of water. Not only does my medication make me blabber none sense at times. But everyone there was happy and well adjusted, for their ages.i sometimes can’t tell if it’s my illness doing it to me, the isolation that I’ve endured as a result of being psychotic. Or a combination of the two.
Before I got sick I had a magnetic personality and I never felt bizarre maybe awkward but bizarre is the way I would characterize it now. I guess it takes practice to be s social butterfly. But part of me just wants to retreat back into my own little world and pretend like the outside world doesn’t exist. It’s less painful.

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I lack the confidence that a normie has, because I can’t trust my mind. Kids have more confidence than I do. I don’t have a normie brain either, I’m preoccupied by my struggle. Where they have all this free space to develope likes and dislikes. Personalities even. I’m self deprecating because I feel like people can tell I’m ill. It’s really a mess when you look at it right. I wish I didn’t have this illness, but I have to say that when you succeed with it. That success is so much sweeter.

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from what I know, facial features, perceptions and overall difference

is a major struggle for us, so if you have it, count yourself lucky.
I don’t know what I see in others, mainly myself.

I do this all the time. I’m surrounded by (seemingly) normal people at work. I always think to myself I should have a degree and be part way through a second one.

It doesn’t help my already very low self esteem.

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Yes I do compare myself to seemingly normal people, although I suppose everyone has their issues. Someone may seem normal but be going through something themselves. That said, I do long for my pre-diagnosis life back. I try not to dwell on those thoughts. A good friend of mine once said everything can become laughable at some point, so I try to look back at some of my unmedicated actions and laugh. I would like to be normal again though and free of illness.

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I have a normie twin so it’s been going on all my life. I also had trouble at work as I couldn’t be like them but felt I had to pretend to in order to be accepted and hide my illness in order to keep working. As it turned out that was probably unnecessary and i likely would have been better off being straight forward about it from the beginning. i don’t have as much trouble with it now because most people I’m around are similarly screwed and I’m not doing anything that matters as it is.

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I compare myself all the time, and I don’t have advice for how to stop. On typical days I just watch the happy people and think, they aren’t sz so they can smile carelessly like that. Of course, I don’t know their life, and I can’t know what they have gone through.

On bad days I just feel guilt and shame about being sick and putting all my loved ones through what I have. It helps when my loved ones tell me it’s not my fault, and I need to get to the point where I can say it to myself.

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Great comment! I totally agree and feel the same way. I often wonder why other women get real relationships and men fall in love with them. It seems like a foreign concept to me. I got used to it, since I’m sz and neurologically different than normals, but it really gets under my skin. Why can’t I have a normal life? Why can’t a normal love me and marry me?

That is saying that I prefer normals, I know, but a big part of my existence is omitting the fact that I have sz from all normals, all the time. It bugs me that even though they don’t know, they sense something wrong with me and don’t fall in love. A part of me feels inadequate and wants to fit in with normals and pass for one, but I have to admit, I don’t always feel like I can pass, due to my social inadequacy. I have this weird desire to marry a normal and then never tell him about my sz. Maybe I just want to prove I can pass, I dunno.

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I might compare myself at first glance, but it passes quickly, I don’t have much envy, aside from the “I wish I didn’t have all these disorders” moments.

I just think everybody has issues, you know? The most sheltered people even, they have issues, and I wouldn’t want to be them. I like myself, I like the person I am and I’m proud of my growth and accomplishments.

It’s important to build good self esteem so we don’t feel threatened by others’ happiness and learn to build our own, with which ever that entails, even if it is learning how to love being alone. I’m fine with that.

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there are people who have it worse than us… like people who are paralyzed or people who have cancer… etc. i dont function at a normal level but i function better than these people…

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I think I question to what degree I am normal or not normal more than I compare myself against specific people I believe to be normal.
I guess it might be called “comparing” but in a more generalised ,non specific way.

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I compare myself to normies a lot. It makes me hate myself and it gets so bad i cut myself(working on not doing this). Ive been out of work for a long time and only leave the house to go to therapy or the doctor. It makes me feel like worthless scum when i compare my situation to mentally healthy folk. I want to stop doing this too, but i have this weird codependent thing where i feel like i have to whip my own back for being imperfect. Like you, i feel much better when i don’t do this. Any good conclusions on how to stop since you posted this?

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