Maybe it’s karma for all the messed up things I did or went through…
no never
it’s not karmic
I’m not quite sure anymore if I agree. I have done very out of the world types of things at times…maybe it was my destiny to pay before being born? I feel as if I asked for this, and then didn’t like the present I opened…how childish. I’m trying harder to develop without becoming psychotic from the memories I may mention, it can seem to be reliving them sometimes. My voices say I caused a mutiny against these powers that be, and that it is only a rehearsal. That I have committed the ultimate sin by being so defiant, that they will come for me soon. It has been around seven years, and my lines are being blurred in this new huge farmhouse. Very hard sometimes…
Im sure there are worse people than you who live completely free of guilt. Its a trick of stupidity. In my case my psychosis is a direct result of my behaviour and thought processes. I thought I could become telepathic, the mind started hallucinating telepathy. That is where my voices come from.
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Do I believe you “deserve” it for your past bad deeds? No, a thousand times no. Do I believe that there is balance in the universe, and you will eventually be compensated for all your deeds, good and bad, all your blessings and all your sufferings? Yes. But human beings don’t get to make that judgment about other human beings because we’re too tiny and transient and hence our perspective is too small. (Self-stigmatization is the most destructive of all BTW. Try not to do it.)
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It’s very hard to mention of my origins (or what I have become to believe), of this illness. On average every day how many people do you think are observing you through your own mind. They’re inside me, yet I began in the city to see the generals and old sergeants I worked with…my joint chiefs staff…I memorized chain of command. My drill instructor or drill sergeant. I had both there’s a difference, I moved out of the city promptly for the fear that the inner is real-and that I’m not hallucinating the outer. (visuals). I see all of these people in motor vehicles, nothing else.
Allowing it to be real is a mistake, even though it might be. If they are telepathic you don’t have to play there game. For a while I wasn’t sure so I learned to quit thinking about people because the mere thought of someone would trigger voices. I’m getting to the point where I’m seeing through what happens in my brain and I can tell it isn’t real. I thought I’d be in that place forever where I was to afraid to confront this. It just went on for so long, that it was like would they really do this? Would they really not just accept me and my beliefs as I am and they are. Am I not entitled to be a person free from telepathic persecution. Am I really that far out there to deserve this? The answer is ■■■■ no, they would do this, the messages are not real, its all merely a reflection of my impression of them and how I think they feel about me and my beliefs nothing more.
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I think I do though, like…have to play this game to prevent the pain. They want answers to the questions they have and I don’t have in law the authority to tell them (these leaders of society and figureheads) what the truth is. I exploded in risky actions years ago to find out what that truth was and I never found clarity yet a huger problem. No one had the truth for me. No one could clarify what happened. No one came forward they weren’t my bros or anything. No one came forward with that answer for me, and no matter who or what the voice is in my head…I know they don’t have power because they don’t have the answers for my questions. Not even the hallucinations know what’s truly going on, so you’re quite right bro. Disregard as much as I can though, these guys are really bloodthirsty experts in real time. Sets me off a lot, so I always try to look up new ideas to stay cool
Thanks so much for your support! The farmhouse is cold and we have a wood burning stove so I have to go make a good fire it’s freezing and leaves all over the yard. It’s a beautiful drive in the country with the sound of corn swaying with the leaves scouring the road. I swear she drives my car more than me, yet I feel a whole lot better because of it. I’m gonna keep going thx!
hunni, if it’s been 7 years and they still haven’t come, can’you see that they never will? they are just voices, ie:not real. you know that deep down, it’s just the disease clouding your judgement. i wish i was schizophrenic so i could find a pill or shot that works but i’m not. maybe that’s the difference between yo and i. i know my voices aren’t real people. quite where they came from is another story but i know they are not real at all. your voices aren’t real people either. how can lucy liu be the devil. in reality she’s just an actress. nobody knows why you hear her voice. maybe you saw her in a movie or interview and your brain adopted the voice and turned it against you because it comes from your ■■■■ box in your brain, your subconscious. have you ever tried hypnosis for your voices? that might be an idea. try to retrain them into being your friends and not your enemy. i don’t know what the answer is but i know that lucy liu is not the devil. look at that fruitcake mel gibson, now he thinks that one of the past popes was the devil. let’s face it, you can’t both be right. think of all the other people around the world hearing the supposed devil’s voice. are we supposed to believe that they all are satan? either everybody is right which can’t be the case or everybody is wrong, which has to be the case. hope this helps hunni xxx
this was one of my old units in the military. I was on a two howitzer team as a machine gunner of SAW advance party man…Parachutist badge and air assault combat
I have startling stories, was on arty team at Shkin Afghanistan…many rounds fired into Pakistan during times of beginning of Iraq war. We first thought we’d leave bagram and go there, yet we didn’t. We were perhaps at most a few miles from Pakistan. Many prisoners were recovered from Pakistan, very intense situation. I feel that these intense situations were some of the most important times of my life.
I was there in 2003, I was 19 and turned 20 there. It’s true name is only firebase lily to the cia. It was known to us as firebase shkin and when we went there we discovered it’s true name was camp checo, who was a nco infantry. They’re not telling americans about what’s going on. I was told it was overran and to forget operations, yet it is still there.
I’ve feared that.
I’ve also hoped for it, in a way, thinking that at least the next life wouldn’t be so bad if it’s working its justice or whatever out on me now.
Im not sure if I actually believe in karma/karmic retribution, but I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I wish for us all to find peace in this life, with our lives, and my best wishes to you.
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If it is then karma is unjust.
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I believe the karma equalizes more than Dirty Harry’s .44 magnum…I believe. Folly you fools!
I do think it is karmic to some degree. Apparently there’s no history of mental illness in my family which just might be because I originate from a third-world country, but I’ve done a few things I’m really not proud of, like cheating on my girlfriend and worse. So I take it as punishment for some of my sins, it is a hefty price to pay but… it’s not that bad. 
Of course I’ve made some huge mistakes in managing this illness like smoking green and not watching what I eat, but I’m slowly learning to correct those. But to answer your question, yes, I feel in a way I got SZ to help me stay out of trouble. 
I do not believe this is a Karmic pay back. I started crumbling when I was 5. I have no idea what I could have done at 5 years of age that would warrant this.
No, I do believe it’s a disease. If it was karmic… my meds wouldn’t work so well. I just look at it that way… Karma isn’t affected by meds. The right meds changed every thing and help me get my life back.
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I don’t believe karma theory although I am a layman Buddhist.