I struggled with this as well. You said it perfectly.
I forgive my abuser to the extant that I don’t dwell on the abuse. Not saying I have never thought of castrating the jerk but I am happy providing our paths never cross again.
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Run the abuser through a wood chipper and spread them on a flower bed.
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I am doing better. And it sounds like you are, too. Congrats on making so much out of the terrible cards you were handed.
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Agreed! 15151515
Thanks @Ninjastar, you too💜
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I finally gave him forgiveness but not for him. For me. I couldn’t let him continue to carry around a piece of me he didn’t deserve.
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Great minds think alike.
I am blessed by receiving lots of ideas from the Saw movies.
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I used to believe in this but I have mixed feelings at times or like a nuanced view about it - I guess?
Like, depending on the offense, I can easily forgive and let go by realizing it isn’t something some people can help in some cases; they just are wired to do some things. Like people used to say some times , “They don’t know any better” and sometimes that’s just what it is.
Other times there are people I feel who do know better or can handle the heat of retaliation or pain or suffering and definitely take some kind of action to set them straight.
I’m not encouraging violence necessarily. I’d like to have stayed true to Socrates quote/teaching or general spiritual teachings like “No matter how much someone has wronged us it is never right to return the -” . I forgot how it goes but you know, “turn the other cheek” thing is kind of a harsh but necessary thing to save us from personal pain, mental distress, and getting caught in webs of unwanted scenarios.
And sometimes it helps us to recognize who is worth inviting to us for company which are obviously not people we’d spend time worrying about retaliation for wronging us in some way.
Other times it’s like we can probably forgive and find some resolution by talking about something (whatever the issue was)- so there’s that too …
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As long as we don’t get into victim blaming territory it’s possible, ideally after the abuser has died.
Before then I wouldn’t hold your breath, most abusers never change so forgiving them is asking for more.
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Most abusers never change.
Giving them so many chances year after year is not good as they disrespect you more and more knowing no matter what they do you will always love them unconditionally and give them more chances.
Sometimes someone jealous spreads lies because they want to isolate you and have everyone against you and hating you.
I believe in forgiveness in a way yet setting boundaries that they are not to come near you ever again and have no access to you anymore or “grey rock” where you see them as little as possible if you “have to”.
Even people on death row are to get compassion and kindness and good care .
There’s a grace in that when it’s sincere and genuine.
Sometimes a lot of people are involved.
Sometimes it has gone on for so many years.
Sometimes turning the other cheek year after year just doesn’t help .
Having no hate or revenge wishes yet not allowing them access or distance oneself as much as can is probably my stand.
Still having care for even such wicked ones yet simply walking away or trying to deny them access to you.
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I won’t be turning my cheek this year. This is the first time I’m putting up boundaries with one of my abusers. Luckily the other moved away.
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Also I’m glad you said most because some do. My dad used to beat the crap out of us but he is now my biggest supporter. It was weird to get used to but I’m glad he recognized and changed his ways.
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