Maybe it’s just me but because of how supportive this place is, the one example I’ve seen in real life, and my own personal experience, I honestly wonder if some people have a thing for people with mental illness. I don’t mean a predatory thing either.
Right before I (officially) got on here there was a guy who joined because his ex girlfriend was sz and she had dumped him and been incredibly horrible about it and had been for a while but he was still clinging to the hope that it was just her illness. I have seen so many wonderful partner care givers on here who were in a situation where even we (the diagnosed side) had to tell them that this just wasn’t one they were going to win.
I have a relative who can be extremely mean when she wants to be (she loves me and is very nice to me) and she was dumped by a guy who from her description I think was sz. She talked about him in such a tender loving way, it really surprised me. To be fair she might be more lovey dovey than I give her credit for. She falls in love extremely quickly from what I’ve heard but she said that she loved him more than she loved anyone else.
In my own experience I have had C. I have put him through all seven levels of hell and he still stuck with me. It’s hard for me to speak about people other than C because guys are notoriously sex hungry but I have had at least one guy friend who decided he was in love with me. He never told me to my face but a mutual friend told me and then I never saw that friend again. We knew each other pretty well and I was very obviously ill then.
So my theory is this. Some people are into people with sz, bipolar, depression, ect. (I’m adding bipolar and depression because of one thing on a different support group I read, because a lot of us are sza, and because I think that I show more bipolar than I do sz.) I’m not saying anyone is happy we have sz of course, I’m just saying that there is something about us that others find attractive. I wouldn’t say this is a determining characteristic (we aren’t going to get dates just because we have sz like someone might get a date just because they are hot) but more of a complementary characteristic.
There has been one girl who lit up with excitement when I told her about my illness, She said she loved bipolar/schizophrenic people because they are more interesting. She spoke of bipolar running rampant in her family.
There aren’t a lot of mental illness sympathizers out there, but in some cases mental illness brings people together. Whether it’s a shared burden or what else.
My girlfriend has a family member who also has Sz… so when I told her about me… she wasn’t scared at all.
My sis also seems to bring home guys who are Sz… or bipolar. I think because she was a care giver to me for so long, … I don’t if she’s used to people who are considered neurotypical.
Maybe people who “have a thing” are just the siblings and relatives of those who are used to this illness in the family.
I don’t mean “a thing” as in something they actively look for like someone with a foot fetish might really want someone with pretty feet. I mean “a thing” as in one of those things that makes the person feel right.
I don’t know how to describe it. Like how C was in karate and I really liked that because it made me feel safe and cuddled. Don’t ask me how cuddled got in there but it did. You know, something that you wouldn’t hunt for or make any sort of an issue about if the other person didn’t have that or wasn’t like that but is something that you really like anyways. If something happened to C and I was ready to move on I wouldn’t swing by the local dojo to see what’s up. I’m very into intelligence (and he has that too of course) so that would be what I would go for but the fact that he can take care of me just makes being with him feel like home.
Does that make any sense?
I hope that didn’t weird anyone out.
I don’t know to what degree I belong in this group. I’m one of the people who found my way here because of a history of troubling experiences and perceptions that overlaps at least a little with some of the things reported here. But I can say a few things as something of an outsider:
Many of the posters here seem to have learned patience and kindness the hard way. Not all of the posters, of course, but many of you have come through what sounds like terrible, frightening experiences, and it seems to have taught you to reach out a hand to anyone you see suffering similarly. There’s not enough kindness in the world, but I see a lot of it in these forums. If people with sz behave like this in their everyday lives, I’m sure there are people who are drawn to that.
Another thing is the loosening of associations. I know as it progresses, it can lead to bad places. But when it’s relatively under control, it allows some people with sz to make surprising (but still reasonable) leaps, which makes for intriguing, often hilarious conversations. A lot of the posters here have a fantastic sense of humor.
And one last thing: when I read about some of the delusions some people suffer from, it does trigger my protective instincts. They sound so scary and stressful, and I am sure some people can’t watch someone suffer like that without wanting to offer some comfort.
