I now can say it but i was having bad thoughts toward others in the past. Confused too cause my guilt and anxiety was messing with all this. But even one of my docs said that i suffer from bad character. But if i have a pathology of the caracter do i really need my meds? I guess they help me already… without them i stop eating or getting up from the bed. Plus, i take personally what is said on the tv for example. But i dont have hallucinations still… do i really need meds in order to make me human and just to help me not being bad? Grrr, the truth is hard…
You’re not a bad person. Sitting bitter and in spite is common for mentally ill.
Especially when normal folk has such strong skin and see the teasing of life as a constant thing that they don’t mind propagating. It’s easy to loathe them.
It just sounds like you need to find more avenues that help you feel alive. There are a lot of people across all scales that just try to make the best of it. Keep active, eat healthy… get through that initial push phase until you see the benefits everyone talks about.
Finding your craft is a lofty goal… but if you ever wind up doing something in private that shuts everyone else out of your head… know you’re onto something. Good luck @anna1 it pains me to see you struggle.
Thank you azley. Now i feel like my heart is severly broken lol hah… i need to get over this too… its a sadness who paralyzises me to lay in the bed… whatever. I even heard from my mom in the past that if i give up to everything, i should go kill myself… i even heard this, yeap… i guess i was quite badly ill in the close past… ill continue fighting at my house till my pain fades away a bit. But maybe you are right at the end. I was sexually abused in the past, plus my agressive father so the fault is not all mine etc etc…
If your aware of the problem it’s easier to fix.
Knowing is half the struggle.
Meds are must, I think so.
It is not about good and bad. If one if sick, then trying medications makes sense. A good person might . . . No, it is all okay.