I’ve been doing some reading on the subject, which led me here:
I’m in my late 30’s and for the past year I’ve developed feelings for a coworker. We’re both in committed relationships, but one day last summer I convinced myself/realized that we are soulmates and meant to be together? I had always been attracted to him and found him handsome, but the “realization” was so sudden and abrupt, that only recently i’ve started to question my actions.
what makes me think I suffer from erotomania?
• I’ve had some stalker behavior towards him: Social media stalking, screen grabbing his stories, snapping pictures of him at work (without his knowledge), saving photos of him shared within a group or text
• I’ve turned to numerology also, as a way to cope with my delusion, constantly seeing triple numbers in clocks/books/songs and convincing myself that the universe is telling me to patient and wait for him
• I’ve told him of my “crush” hoping he’d finally tell me he loves me back (not a chance)
• sometimes he shares songs and I tell myself that he sent them specifically for me
• He often talks about his GF — I in turn talk about my BF and look for facial cues that he’s bothered…
overall, it’s just the feeling/knowledge that he’s my soulmate that makes me question if I suffer from erotomania or if this is just some crazy crush obsession? (which I’ve never had before)
The line between an unhealthy crush and erotomania is very blurry. At the very least, it sounds like he definitely doesn’t feel the same way, or else he would have said something. I think if you don’t want to be with your current boyfriend, you owe it to him to tell him so, and leave him free to find someone who loves him back. Even if you don’t end up with your coworker, which you probably won’t, you can be free to find someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel.
I’ve had a similar problem but with a celebrity. It was extremely heart-crushing.
The numbers lining up and everything was just uncanny though.
From what I’m understanding: you’re not with this person? This person is with someone else? If so, you will have to say something and deal with the possible rejection.
If you don’t get rejected, it could be a great relationship.
But otherwise… it sounds like erotomania. It’s better not to let it go unchecked though or it could get worse.
I don’t disagree — i myself struggle between it being a weird crush or delusion 100% of the time.
regarding my bf: I’m not out of love with my current boyfriend, we have a pretty good relationship compared to other people…what i struggle with is this feeling of being with the wrong person, but knowing that I’m not… if that makes any sense at all? sometimes i genuinely believe this guy is my twin flame and it’s just not our time (and again, it’s just a feeling, unknown mysterious knowledge of it being true)
i guess my question was more — can you be aware of suffering from this condition even when “you” yourself keep believing this fantasy?
I had erotomania while unmedicated and while on non-working meds. I thought popular female singers loved me remotely, I added them on fb and followed them. I was about to send them a dm but didn’t. I also thought my cousin loved me and started texting her about dating. She told me to take my meds.
I’m telling you though, you’re better off communicating these feelings and thoughts or it can ruin your relationships you already have.
Erotomania ruined my relationships and made me shut down and close off my heart almost completely. Some openness is necessary to keep from sinking too deep into it.
I don’t recommend ‘coping’. Coping means that you’ll essentially only let the underlying problem linger while you use outside sources to push it aside.
Think about that: pushing it aside doesn’t resolve it; it will get your attention one way or another. Otherwise, it will create tension and upset with your current relationships. Not even just your romantic relationships. I mean all of them.
I’ve already told him i have a “crush” on him — i didn’t flat out tell him, i believed we were soulmates and meant to be together, and that my mind was consumed by him 99% of the time we’re not together.
His response was rejection obviously as we’re both with significant others, but he also told me not to worry about it— “it happens” he said (that was 5 months ago) and we’re still friends and we still talk, but my feelings/thoughts towards him remain unchanged… and i still see numbers/songs as signs and its all very convoluted in my brain.
It’s a tough one to swallow. I don’t know how to resolve such a thing.
At least no advice I found online helped me in dealing with it.
Feels worse when you can’t even communicate to the other person and your sexual orientation alone is an embarrassment and no one around me could possibly relate or help me through it for that reason too.
this was just me doing my own research to try to figure out what I’m going through and when i stumble upon the term “erotomania” it just kinda resonated with my current situation and what i deal with on a day to day. so just trying to figure myself out i guess and deal with things
If you’re not too irritable with others in your life, it won’t get too bad though where you feel like you can have a heart attack.
I’ve had moments of having to clench my arm to when dealing with ‘family’ who are so abrasive.
If you can develop self-compassion and sort of feel for yourself, it can help process painful emotions though. Or at least make them manageable and feels better than stuffing it down or trying to ignore it. I tend to just get highly irritable no matter what.
