There is a guy living here at partial care who is completely obsessed in love with a woman who doesn’t feel the same. It’s kind of sad seeing him torture himself with these obsessive thoughts. It’s also pretty annoying because she’s all he ever talks about.
I’ve had obsessive thoughts many times, even some where I had convinced myself that someone loved me who didn’t. Do you guys have any experience with this? How should I advise this guy? For me those thoughts just went away, how can I help this guy?
This is a hard one to get over… it feels great being in that first whoosh of love… almost euphoric. It’s hard to let go of.
The reality that I wasn’t being loved back… that was painful and I avoided that. So I just focused more intently on the feeling that the people involved did love me as much I loved them.
I did annoy others around me… and they would make me try to talk about other things. Or they made me promise not to mention that person for a whole day… find other things to do. I don’t know if THAT is what helped this problem fade… little by little distraction.
or if it was the simple fact that the meds finally took ahold and the realization came and I finally got my mind back on track.
I mean if he is a friend, I do see the need to help him out. If he is delusional, it will be very difficult to convince him of his irrational thinking.
I guess you could try to distract him or change the topic when he becomes obsessional -
I would try not to get caught up too much with his world - Ignore him or block him off somehow if you have to - for your own sanity
I’ve never had true erotomania, just crushes and slight obsessive patterns of thought. More like being persecuted for having a crush on certain people, that’s not erotomania, it’s not like I was talking about the person all day and thinking they loved me or some off balance crap like that. More like “Uh oh, I think looking at pictures of some girl(s) (its happened multiple times) is why they are watching me.”
Other people’s fault for being hot. Justified! Thrown away, useless, fill my mind with other things, like school. Something wrong with my brain if I didn’t look twice at someone some men would kill for. Justified, not my problem! Send him to the shrink! He’s got a mental illness! You’ll get it too if you have sex with him, it’s sexually transmitted!
And then seven people (guys and girls) come to the local mental hospital complaining of having violent impulses, hearing voices, and figuring out conspiracies, and they are all certain that they are being recorded and shown to the public for amusement and entertainment (Truman’s Syndrome). All of them reported having sex with a young man with paranoid schizophrenia. The illness has turned into a virus, it has evolved. No sex is safe sex. Everyone go Catholicism and get blue balls I mean everyone be safe and masturbate instead of ■■■■■■■ around with mental patients, I don’t care how nice the mental patient’s body is, he has PSCZ and it’s sexually transmitted, you will not handle it like he does, the way he functions with it is scary and he’s one of a kind.
Word salad to go along with my steak and potato. Steak being hallucinations and potato being delusions.
I just took my medication, see, it hasnt kicked in. You guys caught me at my finest. Thirty minutes from now I will probably delete this.
i have had experience of this with forced beliefs. it was horrible. i guess the only way out of it for your friend is to try and talk him out of it gently but firmly. for instance: if some one wants to be with you they will be there, it’s as simple a that. if they never visit you or call you or send you a letter or make any attempt to contact you then they obviously don’t feel anything for you. it’s that obvious. take my husband for instance. he badgered me at home even though i was living with someone by getting a female friend to call me at home and then she passed the phone to him. he asked me out for dinner, for drinks, flirted with me…did everything possible to let me know that he liked me. that is the reality of people that like you. if his beau does none of these things then she obviously doesn’t like him. personnally i’m very bad at letting people know i don’t fancy them these days (unless of course it’s a voice in my head lol, then i’m more than direct) i’m always afraid of hurting their feelings but this case is different. like you say, if he’s delusional then he really has to be made to see the truth that this woman does not like him at all. quite how you would do that i don’t know because if he is delusional; he will always make excuses as to why they can’t be together when the truth is, there is usually nothing standing in the way of two people getting together so if she is not even trying to call, text, or arrange to meet him then it should be obvious to him that she’s not interested but i guess that’s up to you to try and make him see that. good luck with that!!
When I was in grade school and junior high I obsessed on certain girls. I thought about nothing but them. One time I went swimming, and it surprised me to realize that I hadn’t thought about this girl for thirty minutes. My obsessions were painful. I eventually grew out of those preoccupations. All you can do when you’re obsessed with someone is hold on and hope you find your way out of it.
I remember having a similar experience- there was this one girl in high school who I couldnt stop thinking about- I remember when I quit thinking about her, I realized it had been like a week without thinking of her. It’s rather tormenting. Not fun. Bad memory. I was a ■■■■■■ up kid, but I was a badass, still am. I love how I shock people when I say what’s on my mind instead of thinking before I speak.
So articulate, so intellectual ///// Nucking futs. Tranquilize this ■■■■■■■.
With me it was only thirty minutes I could stop thinking about her. This was in grade school and junior high, and there were different girls I had a crush on during different years. Third grade in was Jeanie Smith, fourth and fifth grade it was Sidney Marshall, and sixth, seventh, and eighth grade it was Ann Upchurch. I thought about these girls constantly - every waking moment. These feelings were intense.
Yeah it’s kind of a personal battle to not be a teenager about things. Experience will show you it’s not good to let your mind run wild like that. If anything it will probably get in the way of any fantasy becoming a reality. I’m susceptible to this ■■■■, pretty obsessive, but I try to be realistic. I’m pretty hesitant these days because the last time I was crushing I started hearing voices. I’m a little wiser now as I’m coming to terms with there not being telepathy, but that whole situation caused me to do some stupid ■■■■.
But yeah it’s tough to help from the outside. Lonely people can be so desperate.
On the other hand he’s probably having a good time being in love with the idea. As long as he’s safe and doesn’t do anything extreme it will eventually become water under the bridge.
Got no specific advice for you mal. Maybe just try to directly discourage the crush. Put the counter idea in his head.
I really hate even thinking about that kind of awkward imbalance between two people. I lived it in high school until I finally had the guts to ask one of the girls out. Which worked out pretty well depending on how you look at it, but that’s a long story.
Good luck man, you seem tactful you’ll figure something out, or you’ll decide its best to not do anything at all.
I had/have this delusion. I think it is very difficult to change his beliefs. Better try to talk about something else without disagreeing. I read about that from a psychological study of erotomania.
@Malvok I had erotomania. I didn’t believe she loved me after I stablized. My guess is that he’s unstable. Maybe try to get him to talk to his pdoc? Maybe just try to explain to him that he’s ill? I’d think a med change may help him. backtracking a little I don’t think it will do any good to try to explain that he’s ill. sorry. I’m not much help I guess.
I had not heard the term erotomania before. Probably would have changed the way handled crushes if I had heard this early on. Sort of sorted things out on my own over time. But having a label to associate with feelings in behaviors, especially with a negative connotation, would have changed my perspective. I always thought crushing was a good and healthy although largely fruitless act to participate in. It’s really not good to put people on a pedestal, they rarely live up to that kind of standard when you get to know them unless you are still deluded with love. Gotta let the be human, love them for their struggles and flaws.
I’ve had this and it is very hard to shake. So embarrassing.
I’m going to have the chance to meet this person soon and feel very nervous about it. She is a fairly well known performer. Funny because I’ve met many “famous” people and never got “star struck”.
I had a few months long period of what I today know is manic phase. Experienced that kind of ■■■■. I don’t even like to talk about it.Its just not natural, its not like a polygamy because it has nothing to do with love.
I could hardly feel lust now before feeling love.
Im really becoming saint.
Yeah telepathy has made that kind of behavior very inappropriate. Once you get away from it you realize how disgusting lust is. ■■■■■■■ would still be cool and all but I think it’s better for the mind of you just treat it like an experience and don’t obsess or try to internally replicate it all the time. Wish someone would have told me that back in highschool.
Probably would have made me a lot less nervous and distracted. Probably would have had more success with the ladies in the long run. Perhaps even better sex than what occurs when the pussy is on the pedestal for too long and you sort of freak out inside when you actually get it.
It took alot for me to post that…I understand. Yeah, its not so much sexual but more of a weird romantic mono … something.
I have been promiscuous and have experienced whatever I wanted pretty much. The last decade I’ve been pretty good…fatherhood…but I look back and question if I was ever really in love. I mean…my exwife was a 20yr old model when I was 30.
I think I’ve romanticized her(delusion) as the idea of everything I wanted in a lover and partner. Most of my relationships have been so plastic and convenient and I think I’m just to the point where I need true compatibility ■■■■ IDK. @sarad you actually look very similar to my ex so its kind of a mind ■■■■ lol. Personality is completely different. I wish I could post a pic…hehe.
So anyways yeah, I’ve 3 months to get my meds and head straightened out enough to travel across the US to see my baby for a week or so. Come back and start to get back into society and large crowds, concert halls, work again. That’s my goal. I cant keep waiting and hoping on benefits.
I think our conversation will be pretty organic because we are very similar people with a lot of the same issues. If nothing else it will be memorable and therapeutic.
Well you certainly don’t have a lot to regret in life. You married a model for god sake!
When you’ve mentioned a promiscuity I have to go a bit off topic and say that whether its more psychological or sociocultural factor, doesn’t have the same standards for both genders.
■■■■■■■ around can ■■■■■■ up your life sooner and better if you’re woman.
