Before my psychosis i had a car paid my own bills, and even had savings and a boyfriend… now my i wrecked my car no life prolactin from risperdal is making my hair fall out fast and gave me gynecomastia. i feel like one of those washed up actors like dustin diamond who had the world a great life and now amounts to nothing i live with parents and sleep all day gaining weight.
i count my blessings but its still hard to feel that emotional excitement about waking up and getting stuff done like i used to feel. i literally play on the computer all day and its pissing off my family who want me to get a job. i struggled to apply for a job and was suprised when even dollar general asked difficult questions on the application. i feel like a lesser version of myself.
i do realize this comes off as pessimistic, and i do try to county my blessings like voices are practically gone and im not on meds. it might be negative symptoms but im hoping its just withdrawal from the antipsychotics.
TLDR; Do you ever wish you could get to a point in life again where you dont have to constantly play stupid on your suffering and you can actually feel joy without reminding yourselves kids in ethiopia are starving? Normal to me feels like taking ■■■■ for granted all day like my job, car, health and family and reaching goals like saving getting a better car trying to get a house, dating etc. Im sick of trying to find silver lining in things like walking to the kitchen or taking a shower.
How do we get back that feeling of wanting to reach a goal, feeling excited about your life and where its going again? Normal people take their whole day for granted most of the time, and dont wake up saying to themself “as least i dont have schziophrenia” everyday. no, instead they get on in life like normal. i want that feeling again, feeling entitled to health opportunities and well my brain, that seems more natural to me
I’m 55 years old, and I’m starting to encounter realizations about my life. I don’t know where they’ll take me. As I get older I start to get into the simple pleasures. Just watching the scenery go past when I’m in a car is pleasurable. I’m hoping to find peace in my old age, and I hope I don’t get overwhelmed by bitter realizations.
im really into delving deep into the mind as this psychosis gave me several emotions and sensations ive never felt before. Im trying internally to find a way to automatically feel joy and appreciation in my head without using the language portion my my brain to redirect my emotions to a happy place. i realize its our coping mechanism, but normal people just dont understand how unnatural that is to use the language part of your brain to count blessings it gets tiresome for me at least
dear cactustomato, I think it’s really important to “live in the now”? I was bitter and depressed about all the loss I’ve had in my life but I have since realized that “not looking back” really helps. It’s the past. Let it go if you have bad memories or even good memories. Both hurt when you think of them when you are “down”. I think anyways.
i agree with yall it helps. still doesnt feel natural though. hope it does feel natural one day, besides that i feel like this method of thinking kinda ages the young spirit in away, but accepting i cant live naturally happy the way others do will help.
Yes. I have no goal left but to just try to make it to the end. There is a long, sad story about how I got to that point, but I’ll spare you the details. I hope things improve for you and you find happiness again.