Sometimes I think about the past, about university, etc.
When I was 16, I could have seen a pdoc, and I would have received care, then I would not be the same person.
I just regret a few things. Overall it could have been worse.
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Ya, most definitely. Life was a breeze and cakewalk before schizophrenia. Happened so fast and the memories don’t exist really anymore. I’m sure aliens are involved with the ■■■■■■■■■going on all the time in every life.
Sometimes, I think I’m rich but I hope I am not…probably not lol.
Sort of like Donald Marshall Illuminati Whistleblower, who sounds like a crazy schizophrenic, but some of that is real to me. The lizards, greys, nightmares, etc. The stuff like “Rosetta Stoned” by tool being my song I wrote a billion past lives ago. Not sure what’s going on. I might be reincarnating on the same planet but things are mixed, wires are crossed, and information is going everywhere else but here. No money in my pants!
Thought I was John Titor (past life), creator of bitcoin (although it seems fake), and more. I probably don’t even know all I created except I’ve lived a near infinite amount of lives in the same reality or slightly different realities and we live in a matrix/sims/simulation thing. It sucks.
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Not too much (although I’m not certain mine wasn’t drug-induced, which I do wonder what life would’ve been like had I made different choices there and fought my ass off for help instead of turning to unhealthy habits).
I DO wonder often what life would have been like without certain traumas in my life. My everything would likely be so different as to be unrecognizable.
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After breaking my neck, I went from paralyzed from the neck down, to wheelchair, to high Walker, to low Walker, to cane, to doing martial arts in one year flat.
Then the insurance company yanked the carpet out from underneath my feet. They claimed I was all better, when really my brain was scrambled. I have always been a very driven person, but That seemed to destroy my life.
Sometimes I dream about where I would be right now if it weren’t for them, and the crash that followed their meddling
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Ya, you seem like a smart, cool, driven guy.
I was driven too but it was short lived.
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Mental illness is a ■■■■■that way, isn’t it
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That’s so random…but I have also been paralyzed from the neck down and no longer am. I’ve never “met” another. I didn’t break my neck, I had a stroke effecting my brainstem. And I’m certainly far from doing martial arts and it took me well over a year to walking again. I could never do a cane! I badly wanted to, but from the time my body spent atrophying, my wrist dislocated many times when I tried to move from walker to cane. So, I worked more and more on leg strengthening exercises and had many many breaks for arm reasons (as they needed help to). Anyway, long story short—I used to be in a power chair pushed by a little joystick and now I can walk. It took me years, I’m amazed at how far you went in such a short time! Maybe you had a better PT than I. I was working about 50 hours a week on it as my full-time job. It was a LOT of work!
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It was the greatest challenge of my life, for sure. But I was already used to pushing myself beyond the envelope as a computer programmer. It was nothing for me to work 18-hour days for 6 months at a time to make deadlines
I would almost… Almost… Do it again, just for the high of healing
Glad you’re doing better now. It’s not an easy ride
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I have delusions and thoughts that scare the living hell out of me. A lot of them I talk about here on the forum. They seem and feel so, so real. Like maybe not in this reality, but one time or another. My life was destroyed. I would have been an investment banker or worked my way up if I didn’t have the schizophrenia genes/curse and then maybe would have got bored or felt insecure and then maybe have worked for the government.
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I had no such illusions.
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I dont think an earlier treatment would have changed things for me. But if I never got sz for sure things would be a lot better.
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No not really. All I wanted was a job that would pay enough to cover my pot and alcohol expenses, and give me a decent car and a nice apartment.
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I could have, if I didn’t have a crippling anxiety problem.
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I think i would have gotten a high powered job, i was a straight a student!
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Thank you everyone for having answered me.
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Being at the top sounds kind of boring. Getting there is the interesting bit. I’m still enjoying the challenge.
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When my mum took me to Sweden when I was around nine or so I felt depressed apathy and hopeless.
Because I was hopeless etc I had no dreams or goals anymore but just surviving the day the minute etc
Before then I wanted to be a dr.
I had good grades too until the move.
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Things that may help getting to, or near, the top (in no particular order of importance): High IQ + conscientiousness + medication at lowest level that has a good therapeutic effect
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Probably not before I got sick I tried to be csm at the walmart I worked at but even though I passed the test some son of one of the manager’s got the position after only being at Wal-Mart a month I had been there for 3 years at that point I had sonority but still didn’t get it
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I was by nature an odd duck…that is…I am a male elementary teacher. Here in the States we’re a rare breed. If I had not crashed, I would probably be a Principal by now.
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