Diagnisis suspected and warning

I have come to understand I likely am schizphrenic. I wish now i had been told this when I first had the problem, I believe it started in ernest in 2000. I was not told a diagnosis and think that was horrible mistake.
I see my tendancy to lie and evade therapists , but my wife was not told either as I have asked her now.

I think my story is a warning, I am unsure like most any schizophrenic on if my thoughts are facts of delusion. but I fear my illness has harmed my loved ones.

I think that is what every person living with a schizophrenic and the schizophrenic themselves (not that it will stop a schizo mind likely as if it would it would not be be the problem it is)

I base this only on my guesses of the last week or two, a schizophrenic will target themselves or its likely and by the thought blocking and other stuff will endanger others. If you see signs the person has changed states or otherwise in active schizophrenic state, get the help right away. I believe I blinded myself well as best I can try to explain a self to a non schizoperson. I think my usual fear of my health and my target organ of delusion was my cry for help. I think family had grown used to my fears and did not understand it as such. Its my fault its my illness. I now oddly have to hope I am delusional in my beliefs. I can tell you and in fact should tell you. If your thinking your feeling your organs or what not, your not its pyschosis, if you think you have anything special with GOD you do not, its your pyschosis. I think the basis of schizophrenic in my case and obviously likley its different for a lot of people. Inability to accept your horrible human traits devides you, two consciences basing two realities on the same life events. I think for myself one part of me finds the other so offensive it literally can not stay in the same mind with each other.

i have a inner voice that mocks me, it cleary has been working behind my other self to at least not be effective in thinking about my situation and working out more effective or realistic avenue to get out of it.

I am saying this so you might avoid death, i feared therapy but think more the part of me that is self hatred and well in no small part sociopathic as humans are by nature (religion teaches us GOD wants better , likely why religion is a common symptom the facination with religion) I think are two halfs living together divided or seperate but eqaul. I will not advocate sociopath as they are truly bent on gain at anyone else expense , death or misery, etc etc.

I suggest whoever you are patient or family member, remember a shizophrenic is not a good person to put under stress or expect them to deal with it well. The loss of a parent or any significant people in thier lives, I suggest you enforce therapy and attend the sessions ,share your insights , do not meet with the therapist away from the patient or really do but do not keep it a secret. I understand you may fight a lot of protections, if it helps, take this to your family member patient and tell them , I am a patient and they have to understand thier condition makes them very likely for suicide or dangerous activities that they will suffer from in someway, They may not understand when in thier state but if they can not understand how they would be effected , they are already in pyschosis or dark side or schizohrenia and YOU really need to act NOW and FAST