I was just diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia today. My psychiatrist told me several months ago that she was leaning towards the diagnosis. I was absolutely stunned. I told her that it couldn’t be true because I don’t see things, hear things (very much), and I’m not violent. I was so angry, I thought about not going back, but I did.
After calming down and talking to the doctor for several more visits, I can see now that the diagnosis is most likely an accurate one. And I learned that all of my preconceived notions of what the disorder was, were not true.
I have recognized that many of my thoughts and behaviors are based upon paranoia. I never saw that before. I have had this paranoia for years; my anxiety is through the roof. I don’t see things, but every once in a while I will hear a voice calling my name. It’s strange, but it does happen. I don’t think she made the diagnosis based upon this, but specifically the paranoia and the way I have isolated myself.
She has put me on several medications. Cymbalta, Trazadone (for insomnia), Wellbutrin, and Risperidone. I know next to nothing about these medications, but the doctor said she is ramping me up very slowly on very low doses.
When I told my family today, they looked a little shocked. My biggest fear is that they will think I am somehow dangerous. I have never hurt a fly, but I keep worrying about the stigma of the disorder; can’t get it out of my head. How do I tell the few friends I have left? My brother? Will these people still want me in their lives? I’m probably just overthinking things.
Anyways, thanks for listening and I hope to meet you all.