I’ve just been dysthymic since I stopped Abilify. Back to the regular old doom and gloom. The world just feels ugly, you know? I’m tired of it. I’m tired of even needing to talk about it. One of my recurring thoughts today was how I’m just completely trapped as a demon’s plaything and I don’t know how to get away. But then I think, what if that’s just a delusional thought to distract me from my real life stressor, my upcoming organic chemistry exam I haven’t been studying for? I’ve been having constant nightmares lately so it’s been making things hard.
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Exams are often hellish even without mental health problems in the mixture. My brother recently took an exam for coding, I.T. stuff, lasted over 3 hours. I don’t think he slept hardly at all the night before and then downed some Xanax before the exam. Had been stressing really badly about it for weeks. I never really did the whole college thing outside of some classes at community college for a short while, I don’t think I could handle it. Kudos to you for giving it a try.
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It is really the exam. You are being tormented by a disease, not demons. I had a few friends who took organic chemistry and that class is so hard they would break down crying right in the middle of a study session. It makes sense you would have extra difficulty with it.
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What were you like on 5mg of abilify? Can you consider Vraylar? It’s like abilify but without the anxiety by all accounts.
I know what you mean when you say “The world just feels ugly.” That’s what I feel when I am depressed. It sounds like you’re kind of setting yourself up for more depression by stressing over this exam. Do your best, that’s all you can do.
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I was on 10 mg of Abilify. I’m definitely going to talk w therapist about my options because things have just been nasty.
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