What beliefs did you have of yourself…I no longer believe Im the Son of God but I did for about 7 years…
Nothing major . Early on in my illness, ie first admission, thinking all my teeth had fallen out. Few years later thinking i had written a minor hit song. Neither were long lasting.
Most persistent abnormal thought, not sure you would call it a delusion as such, was that i had female parts and if i tried hard enough i could have a female orgasm . That would come and go on a regular basis. The Consta has put that on the back burner .
Then there was the thought that i had kept attending my senior school years after i had actually left. I would attribute that more to a false memory that crops up from time to time.
I have a hard time separating false memory from delusion. One seems to spark the other.
I notice that I start talking about my delusions when I’m getting really tired or stressed or I’ve forgotten my med. So if I start mentioning my adventures in Spain… It’s med time. I have a deep fear of flying and have never been to Spain, but I remember it so well.
The few that have sunk deep into my heart I just have to work around an tell myself it’s not reality. Or sometimes my sneaky brain will tell me it is reality, but I have to pretend it’s not in order no to hurt people I care about.
Of course my persistent one about kidnappers being after my family likes to crop up when I’m starting to panic. There is a new one that has been hitting me that I’m working my way through. It odd to me that as well as I’m doing, I’m still getting these. But I know it’s a false memory mixed with delusion and I’m thankful to all involved for their patience and kindness as I try an untangle this new one from my brain.
I really hope I don’t get silly about this new head circus act.
for most of my life i thought i was the son of the devil, but the devil does not exist though the person who runs hell does look like that.
i still believe i am the son of a very evil person out there in the universes.
hence the name dark sith.
christ! where to start. before i do i just want u to know that i was tortured to believe in these things. well first i was a scientist at area 51 and the roswell space ship was my design only it was a time ship, not only that it was a soul catcher full of adult clones of myself, my kids and supposed other husband and every time we were killed by the fbi we would wake up on the ship, get a new body and come back, it was all a bit confused though, because if u had a time ship then why would u need a new body? didn’t make any sense to me at the time. then the whole universe was a computer programme like the matrix and that was when the ship sort of made sense only they didn’t pop up in the right order so it was all a bit jumbled. then my husband was secretly an fbi agent that would kill me by chopping me up with an axe in the bathroom and he would take over any man;s body that i was with if he died. his spirit would posess them just so he could b with me as he was my stalker.
these lasted for a good few years, then i stopped believing in them…next my son was concieved by out of body sex…oh yes…no sperm needed at all! lol that one lasted about 3 months…erm i wrote the bible in my space/time ship…then it all went quiet for a while on the delusion front…then suddenly i was a mad cloning scientist on another space/time ship and cloned all my family who hated me and wanted me dead and every stranger, nurse, psychiatrist, dog walker, neighbour friend, check out girl and boy knew what i’d done and wanted me dead…scary one that one as i could hear all their voices saying it to me in my head…then it was about a time travel trial and i’d changed my life backwards and erased loads of people including my own younger brother because i told my dad not to move to america when i was three years old…blimey! mustve been an articulate kid huh? i erased my brother’s son, killed eric clapton’s son who funnily enough didn’t even know his own son’s name! can’t have been that important to him then huh. erm now it’s all about free energy and perpetual motion which i’ve apparently invented…bright spark me…oh and i can talk to famous people both living and dead telepathically…as u can probably tell i’m pretty bored of these stories and don’t actually believe in them at all. it’s just what the voices try and convince me of, conniving little shits that they r…oh and the latest one is that u can jump dimensions when u die and relive ur life in a different way by body jacking with ur spirit, ur younger self. al weird and wonderful ideas but lets face it, if the inter dimensional ■■■■ was true there’d b people that had already done it and it would b all over the reincarnation web sites but funnily enough? not one survivor! yawn! though it’s given me some great ideas for books though so it’s not all bad.
They jesused me with there telepathy to see if I was the kind to believe it and I was. I’m a jesus and so are you karl. 7 or 8 years though thats a long time
I thought the light in the kitchen had appeared out of nowhere and no one had noticed, but it felt as though someone had done it. But then i learned of “apports” so it makes sense as to why i was thinking that now.
I thought i had been somehow placed in my brother’s pipe and he was going to use it to control me, it didn’t really stick though, they told me it was just them doing it to me though. Souls, or what was that stupid ■■■■ in harry potter, whore cruxes or something? This to made a little sense later on as to why i was thinking it.
I thought, or was i told, that my dead grandmother was communicating with me, i was playing a video game and she was using it to speak to me or look at me. She’s dead though so this is impossible, i don’t believe in souls really or dead people being alive. But this also made sense as to why i thought it later on.
During my second psychosis after being run from my home i ended up at the beach, there was a bridge, i thought it was not finished and when you went off the edge it was either up or down, a good or bad place and it was final. It was just them though in my mind, whomever they are.
After seeing pan and being sent away from the area by a cop i entered the forest, it was almost pitch black and as i entered it i began to think that someone named mephisto was in there with me, it was just them though communicating with my mind.
My brother dropped a glass of his and my mind began to think it was angel’s being defeated, as if it was a sign or something that that was happening, once again though, just them in my mind.
I also thought, or they told me, that i would be tortured forever and ever, and having someone saying this in my head was overwhelming, it was alot like being raped or molested i would imagine, sickening really.
I thought, or they told me, that they would harm my family or something would if i didn’t do anything about it, i just sat there not even knowing what to do, after a few moments they blasted me with the old “thats it! you ■■■■■■■ screwed up now and you have hurt your family very badly, it’s on you, it’s your fault they will suffer.” Really creepy ■■■■ right there.
I started thinking about resurrection at random, well, seemingly at random at the time but it became clear that it really was someone saying it in me.
I also thought about the weather, i’ve seen this come up with us several times, it’s just them saying it and thinking it, not us. This was right after thinking about resurrection, the weather came on the news, it was rainy except for one spot, i thought it had been made that way and that spot is where i was, a delusion i understand but why i thought it is a different story. There are always and have always been stories of someone effecting the weather, which is obviously possible. It was overwhelming, frightening and intimidating, down right horrible and uncomfortable.
All of my delusions had a root, in not good things really, but spiritual things, i was not alone and am still not alone, my psychosis seemed to be nothing more than “them”, people should know this and what can happen to a person at times i think, i think actually that people know deep deep down they aren’t alone also.
“It was just you guys right?” I ask.
“Yep, the mind, all of the mind, is substance and can be manipulated and spoken to, we do this to average folk all of the time and they don’t know it also. Yes, we whisper in their minds all of the time.” They say.
i know it sounds bad, but i enjoyed reading your post, it was really interesting.
I thought life on the earth has ended and i have resurrected.
Is it possible to have same delusion twice?
thought i was Michael Schumacher driving his Ferrari when I was hallucinating and in the bin. Also that I was getting trained to become a spy, and that I had gained the ability to read minds, and my psychosis was exactly around the time when Steve Jobs died, so I thought it was coinciding with his death, and that I was going to become the next great innovator.
i still think like that today, i know i’m not those people, but i think of myself in a very grandiose and egotistical way.
@Mindwhisperer…yes its possible to have the same delusion twice. Ive gone from believing Im the Son of God to not believing, to then again believing it.
no it doesn’t sound bad sith, ur ok lol. glad u enjoyed it