I keep thinking that im a complete failure in life and im letting everyone down and my life is turning into a mess. Ive been giving myself a really hard time for how disorganized and unsuccessful i am. Today i actually tried to figure out why i feel this way and realized that im not actually slacking that badly. I pay my rent on the first of every month, i show up to work on time as long as im not sick, and i let my supervisors know when i am. Im making steady money and actually have a lot left after bills, im feeding myself and keeping my body and my living space clean. I cant find any concrete evidence that im failing in life. For some reason i felt like i was doing really badly but after telling people this they all didnt understand why.
Sounds like you’re doing great to me, @rhizome . Sounds like you’re really hard of myself.
I have a voice in my head that tells me I’m never enough, no matter how well I’m doing. Does that go on in your head, too?
The worst part is that ive actually been self-sabotaging and holding myself back because of this belief. I feel like a slacker, so im slacking because of that. Ive been drinking heavily and i feel absolutely gross. I need to cut that out.
Yeah it does a lot and im aware of it and try to ignore it but somehow i still keep mistaking it for the truth. Even when i know it’s happening and it’s not true it always finds a way to control me.
Yeah. I had that, too. It was so pervasive, I just thought it was truth. I didn’t even recognize it as a separate voice until I went on meds and they went away. I still have some breakthrough voices occasionally, and it’s always distressing.
You have your psych appointment soon, right? Maybe meds will help you, too.
Also whenever im walking around outside i constantly think someone is following me. If i hear random sounds behind me i automatically assume it’s someone following me, but then i turn around and nobody’s there. I know this is unrelated to the topic but it’s another thing that bothers me.
No, I hear ya.
Meds helped me with all of this stuff A LOT. It took a while to get the specific meds and doses right, and there are some side effect/tradeoffs, but it’s better than that darkness and terror I was living in.
Yeah i think it’s actually a therapist but the clinic put me on a combined program with therapy and medication so i dont know exactly what the deal is yet.
Right now it’s not really darkness and terror, at the moment im just annoyed by it. I told a couple of my new friends that i feel this way and they rejected it which helped a lot.
THANK YOURSELF 
!!! You ARE a great person! Give yourself some credit, you are far more worthy than some things want you to believe.Rock on with your bad self! 
!
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