Yesterday, I found out that a good friend from high school died. We hadn’t spoken in years, but we were always on very good terms with each other. He overdosed, they don’t know if it was intentional. I’m pretty torn up inside. I hate knowing that he must have felt absolutely alone, and probably never knew how much he meant to me. We were both kind of outsiders in our friend group, and he went out of his way to make me feel included and accepted. He made high school more bearable. I wish I had bothered to tell him how much he changed my life during my formative years. I don’t know if it would have made a difference, in the end. Now I will have to live the rest of my life never telling him.
If you are feeling all alone, or like nobody cares, your depression is lying to you. There is always someone who you mean a lot to. They might not have told you, because we live in a society where people just don’t say those things. But trust me, someone cares deeply for you, and will feel absolutely gutted if you die.
Sorry to hear the sad news. I’ve never messed with any drug that can be overdosed on simply because of this. It’s just too much of a Russian roulette game. You’re definitely right about staying alive, we’re all survivors and there is just too much death in the world, that’s why it’s important we all hang in there and value our lives and do what we can to keep moving forward.
Yeah. It is so important to keep fighting. I hate this. I used to be able to say I lived a life with no regrets. But I know I will spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn’t tell him what an important part of my life he was.
That makes me wonder if I was ever a helpful part of someone’s life. All I could focus on in high school was the rejection I got from girls, but I was so nice to everybody I met and had a lot of acquaintances. A lot of people came to me and used me as a counselor for their problems and I’d listen and give advice.
It’s not your fault, nobody in high school realizes how important those days are until many years later.
You are important to me @agent101g. You have helped my life. Probably lots of others feel the same way.
I think it is just a morphing of my old grief delusion, that I personally killed the person. I used to think I killed people by sucking the life force out of them. Now, I guess I just think I didn’t do enough to save him. Still a delusion, but a more relatable one.
I live in the cheap rent district, and a lot of my neighbors are dying of old age in their fiftes. If I only represented recovery in a better way . . .
I found some old photos and videos. Since we can’t have an actual memorial service, I am hosting a Zoom memorial for him with our old group of friends. I have reconnected with a lot of people who I hadn’t spoken to in ages. It is nice to see how everyone is doing now. I stopped talking to a lot of people when I was struggling, and they always kind of wondered what happened to me.
I am very sorry for your loss, ninjastar… Apparently, you were very good friends. You probably helped him as he helped you… You are doing your best, hugs.
