Increasingly I am finding it harder to either go to, or stay at work. I work in an office. I had a thought implanted into my head saying that two particular people in my team are trying to make me quit or get me fired. That thought was implanted a while ago, maybe a month.
Yesterday I had a normal meeting with my team leader where it came out that both of those people had complained about my work. One of them would have had to be searching through different reports to find my work to criticise it, the other complaint was in my opinion frivolous, but was emailed to my team leader as a laundry list of issues.
I wish they had have just come to me. In the meeting, after hearing this, I knew immediately that the thought implant was correct. This makes me very scared about other thought implants being true like one where I am going to be horribly attacked. I left and came home for the day.
I see swarms of rats at work and sometimes a man in blue just lurks around. I have told my psychiatrist all of this and he added abilify to my existing invega medicine. He is away for three weeks now. I want to call him and tell him I was right about those two at work. I don’t want to be right about the other thought implants though.
I don’t think my job is particularly stressful but being at work is. Does that make any sense at all? I only work three days a week at the moment and only six hours a day when I am there. But I am finding it hard to cope with that.
I really miss my Mum, she lives interstate. Last year when I was very unwell I stayed with her for seven months. For the first four or five months I didn’t recognise her as being my mother and thought that, while she was nice enough, she was some other person more like an aunty or something. I didn’t believe I had parents. Now I do believe I have parents and I can’t help but think I would be doing a lot better if I was just nearer to them.
At work I have an extraordinarily difficult time keeping up with conversation. I don’t actually participate in small talk and discussion because I simply can’t keep up with what people are saying. I can’t concentrate on my work and all I hear is the deafening tapping of keyboards and chatter of teeth from all the talking.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I might be able to grow a thicker skin to deal with being at work and away from my parents? Sorry for the long post.