So I took everyone’s advice and went on another date with the guy from before. I’m glad I did because we had a really nice time, we went to dinner. He even asked me out again afterwards, and I found out from my friend who set us up to begin with that he did like me.
My psychosis is raging over it. I have this irrational fear that since I slept with evil entities any person I sleep with will become corrupted. I also have a fear that since this dream I had where an angel told me I needed to have a baby and I refused and had an argument with it and it showed up again later and talked about the apocalypse that the first time I have sex I’m going to become pregnant with the flipping antichrist or something. Wish I’d never met that angel.
I know all of it is fake but it gives me serious anxiety. I’m like did God send me this dude or the devil? Ahhhh. I can’t just think of it normally, you know?
summary: My second date with the guy went really well & he invited me out again! But old delusional beliefs are making it hard for me, worried that since I slept w evil entities whoever I sleep w will become corrupted or due to an old dream that the first time I sleep w someone I’ll become pregnant with the antichrist. Giving me a lot of anxiety though I KNOW it’s irrational.
The dream was so scary i dunno if I mentioned it on here before. I was in my bedroom when an angel appeared to me, it had numerous red wings, wore white robes, had golden curly hair and these PIERCING INTENSE eyes that were terrifying, like it saw right into your soul. It looked uncannily perfect, like a sculpture and its robes and hair were blowing even though there was no wind. It told me not to be afraid, and that it was an archangel. Then it told me it would have to impregnate me with a baby, and this was very important. And I was 17 at the time, so I was like…no. And it kept insisting it was important, and I kept refusing and it got angrier & angrier. Finally I pleaded for it to just wait until I got married so I would be more prepared to have a baby and it wouldn’t be as scandalous and it grumpily agreed and the dream ended just like that. I never trusted it and that has been another source of anxiety around sex for me since then.
The second time I met it it like invaded another dream of mine. In the dream I went to my grandparents house for a ski trip. In the middle of talking with them and the rest of my family cheerfully, everyone suddenly froze. Then I heard a voice calling me, telling me to come upstairs. So I followed it, and when I went upstairs I saw a figure wrapped up in rags that covered everything except for its eyes and I recognized the piercing eyes immediately. It told me to come walk with it and I said no, it became extremely angry and demanded I do so, and its anger frightened me so badly I fell to my knees in fear. I ended up going with it and it gave me this long speech about the end days, something about days of darkness, and about the world being reborn from ashes so the apocalypse wasn’t a bad thing. I don’t know I was zoned out for a lot of what it was saying because I was so scared so I didn’t take in a lot. It was walking me through this strange observatory place like where you’d look at stars and whatnot. Anyways after the talk it let me go and the dream became normal again and picked up where it left off.
Not good dreams for someone with psychosis to have.
I’m like did God send me this dude or the devil? Ahhhh. I can’t just think of it normally, you know?