Currently living with my best friend in Washington state after escaping my home situation. On meds & sober, and doing incredibly well

I just wanted to share my progress, especially with recovery from trauma.

I lived under sexual, physical, and emotional abuse for the first two decades of my life. I’m 20 now, and just moved out from either of my parents’ homes. I have been hospitalized around 20 times. These were due to legitimate dysfunction, but I just needed someone to listen to me. I was given electroshock 16 times, which actually helped me, but was traumatizing too. My dad got me addicted to intravenous methamphetamine and morphine while I was living with him. Once I got clean, I ended up homeless because I had enough. My partner and best friend of 12 years and his mother got me up to their house in a separate state. I have been doing Lacanian psychoanalysis which offered me incredibly a way out of chronic psychosis, because, being inherently trauma-informed, analysis (which actually has strong evidence for its efficacy in the chronic treatment of psychosis) allowed me to explore the deeper meaning of my schizophrenia symptoms.

I feel like I’ve woken up from a dream. I love my partner and his mom. I expressed in every way that I won’t be a burden, but they are totally building a home for me in ways that strike me with their kindness. I owe them an unpayable debt, and I am so incommensurately grateful. I have left the spinning circles of inferno in my mind that I mapped out to cope with the horror I endured, and have taken up life in the world. I am trying to commit to the world and all its imperfections.

Through it all I am so grateful for the multitude of loved ones (friends, or surrogate family) that have stayed with me. The community college here, which I start in the fall, goes all the way up to Bachelor’s. And I am going back to my old workplace. I am giving up the lost possibility of a childhood where I am not raped and beaten because I trust deeply that the universe is fundamentally good, even miraculous.

Thanks all for listening.

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That’s awesome :+1:

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Stay on the meds ! Congratulations on the sobriety !

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You’ve had a hard life. I have complex ptsd, and assume you do too. I know the struggle that goes with that. So I’m really happy for you that you’re finally free of all the abuse and that you’re starting fresh in life. I wish you the best. Keep us posted.

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Thank you @everhopeful. Although I am so intermittently active, this forum has been a huge part of my life and development, especially in the past. I’ve been on here since I was first diagnosed at 14 years old, and you were one of the people who always encouraged me. And I’m on Vraylar now, a med I wouldn’t dream of going off of because I legitimately like it. It makes me feel healthy, joyful, productive, stable, and most of all, I actually think it boosted my intelligence. I never thought I would find a med that helped my symptoms yet didn’t take away my creativity, and here it is. Although, I am interested in trying Caplyta for several reasons, but perhaps if it ain’t broke don’t fix it? Idk.

Either way, I plan to go into psychiatric nursing and becoming a nurse practitioner. Every clinician and professional I have had has strongly encouraged me to go into the field of mental health given my knowledge, aptitude, and of course, personal experience. However I mainly want to receive post-graduate training in Lacanian psychoanalysis to be able to offer therapy as well as meds in private practice. . . Anyway, sorry. Just dreaming about my future and trying to appreciate the present.

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Yes, I have CPTSD like you. Thank you for your words @ZmaGal.

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