I just wanted to share my progress, especially with recovery from trauma.
I lived under sexual, physical, and emotional abuse for the first two decades of my life. I’m 20 now, and just moved out from either of my parents’ homes. I have been hospitalized around 20 times. These were due to legitimate dysfunction, but I just needed someone to listen to me. I was given electroshock 16 times, which actually helped me, but was traumatizing too. My dad got me addicted to intravenous methamphetamine and morphine while I was living with him. Once I got clean, I ended up homeless because I had enough. My partner and best friend of 12 years and his mother got me up to their house in a separate state. I have been doing Lacanian psychoanalysis which offered me incredibly a way out of chronic psychosis, because, being inherently trauma-informed, analysis (which actually has strong evidence for its efficacy in the chronic treatment of psychosis) allowed me to explore the deeper meaning of my schizophrenia symptoms.
I feel like I’ve woken up from a dream. I love my partner and his mom. I expressed in every way that I won’t be a burden, but they are totally building a home for me in ways that strike me with their kindness. I owe them an unpayable debt, and I am so incommensurately grateful. I have left the spinning circles of inferno in my mind that I mapped out to cope with the horror I endured, and have taken up life in the world. I am trying to commit to the world and all its imperfections.
Through it all I am so grateful for the multitude of loved ones (friends, or surrogate family) that have stayed with me. The community college here, which I start in the fall, goes all the way up to Bachelor’s. And I am going back to my old workplace. I am giving up the lost possibility of a childhood where I am not raped and beaten because I trust deeply that the universe is fundamentally good, even miraculous.
Thanks all for listening.