Could these thoughts / this crush be a symptom?

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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I’ve been weird all day. Nervous energy and depression. That’s not what this post is about.

Lately I’ve been developing some complicated feelings for a person I’ve known for about 5 months.
I’ve known for a long time that with her, there was a risk of that happening.
But the feelings have come to bloom over the past few weeks, at least from my side.

I’m disgusted with how my brain reacts. I know crushes are normal and a bit unavoidable at times, but I see myself becoming obsessive.
Not “carve her name into my thigh” or “altar in my closet” obsessive, but like a schoolgirl who makes up excuses to see and/or interact with the object of her affection and hangs on their every word/smile/trait.

I can’t help but wonder if this could be a symptom?
I must admit it’s partially because I’m hoping I can medicate it away, but still.
Could it be the sz?

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I had erotomania off meds. And love hallucinations and voices.

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Sounds fairly normal to me. I doubt it has anything to do with the sz. I don’t think medicating it away is the answer.

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I was also obsessive, maybe had ocd.

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God gave me a mission to impregnate all womens on earth.

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I suspected as much…
I don’t want to crush on someone I know I can’t have.

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I seem to develop these crushes periodically. A kind word, and I’m falling in love, lol. But they are completely harmless, and always pass eventually

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I wonder if I’m imagining things. I coulda swore she blushed when I ran into her.
I’m sure I’m just connecting dots where there are none

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I don’t think it is a problem unless you start basically stalking her. Y’know, keep things normal, but still let yourself have the crush feelings. But if you feel like you’re literally obsessing, like showing up at her work or home unannounced, or staring at her picture for hours… then you probably should mention it to your pdoc and try to keep a safe distance away from her until you are feeling better.

My sister, who has SzA like me, tends to get obsessive. It does happen with our conditions (Sz/SzA). Just gotta be careful and try to be self aware, be aware of whether you’re crossing any lines.

:relaxed: :purple_heart:

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Thank you.
We work the same place, so we do sometimes run into each other.
I’ve so far been able to keep myself in check and not get creepy.

I do admit I sometimes turn my head to glance in her direction, but it’s not like I stare holes in the back of her head or anything.

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From the way you make it sound, it just sounds like a healthy crush. You like her. :blush:

Just continue to be self aware of your behavior and everything should be fine.

Have a great day, Miika! :smiley:

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I hereby diagnose you with “feelings.” You know yourself best, but from what you are describing, it sounds perfectly normal. It can feel very abnormal when you aren’t used to having romantic attractions very often. I have only experienced an actual crush maybe 3 or 4 times in my life. I always worried something was wrong with me for it. But that’s just how people are when they’re infatuated.

Normal behaviors

  • looking at pictures on their social media
  • making up excuses to talk to them
  • faking interests to bond (this is actually how many of my genuine interests started out)
  • saying stupid things and then later obsessing over “why did I say that I sound like a moron”
  • asking them to hang out and do things, even making it clear you mean in a romantic way
  • rereading messages they sent you over and over
  • talking to their friends to try to subtly figure out if they like you

Danger behaviors:

  • liking/commenting on all social media pictures, especially older ones
  • continuing to talk to them even when they don’t respond
  • getting angry with them for being around other people
  • continuing to ask them out in a romantic context after they have made it clear they aren’t interested
  • trying to hack their phone/account to figure out how they feel

It can be hard, especially for someone raised as a girl who is interested in a girl. We know what it is like to be the subject of unwanted advances, and are so worried about making someone feel as uncomfortable as others have made us feel. So we try to swing too far the other way, which leads to the “useless lesbian” stereotype where everyone knows the two like each other, but neither makes a move.

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Well my behavior definitely belongs to the first list.
That puts me at ease, thank you so much :smiley:

I don’t know how she feels about me or if she likes girls at all.
But if she doesn’t, I’ll still be her friend. I like her as a person and enjoy her company regardless

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I know you said she works with you, and I know you have mentioned your workplace being less than accepting of the lgbt community. So i don’t know how much you would be risking if you just asked her. But there are subtle indicators you can use if you aren’t confortable coming out to her.

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@Ninjastar, your post is so accurate it should be pinned as a reference to everyone

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I am actually going to expand this to “anyone who has been sexually harassed.”

I know plenty of men who are abuse survivors and who are terrified of hitting on women because they don’t want to make someone they like feel the way they have felt in the past.

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Well my workplace is international, most of us being from Scandinavia so I think most here are chill about it.
It’s the country we live in that’s a bit less accepting of lgbt folks.

I’ve tried casually testing what her stance is regarding non-straight things in general, but she doesn’t even seem to notice because I haven’t got any usable data.
She’s pretty perceptive though, so I’m hoping she’s picked up on the clues about me being lgbt if nothing else.

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