A big part of my sza is "delusions of reference’, what my pdoc calls it. It was one of my first symptoms when i got diagnosed years ago and it still continues to be a main problem of mine. I try to watch my thoughts and I’ve been kinda noticing how i think everything is associated to me (not literally everything but a lot of things) and i can’t tell if im just being paranoid or if im being narcisistic somehow??
Here is an innocuous example. its kind of hard to explain this but i will try my best and hope that it makes sense. the other night i was watching a show with my girlfriend. One of the characters very briefly mentioned something in the show that i have done before (about 6 months ago, not too recent), and it was something that made me girlfriend upset when it happened…like irl.
So then i was afraid that when she saw that scene she immediately associated those bad feelings towards me again (even about things ive never done) and that as we are watching the show its actually secretly started to become a narrative about our relationship or something. then in my head i think she hates me because the tv show solidified it and made her think about it.
which thats just my perspective though. maybe she saw the scene and she got sad because of a different reason or maybe she didnt get any sad feeling whatsoever lol. Like, the scene im talking about was so brief though i doubt she even noticed. but i cant help to feel things like that.
like if we are in the car and she plays a song ill think its about me. it feels self centered of me to do this though even though its not a conscious thing…
i hope this made a shred of sense. if anyone has a thought let me know. thank you.
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It does sound a bit paranoid, as well as jumping to conclusions. I don’t think you are narcissistic, just self-conscious Maybe
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