So, full disclosure, I have a dui on record from cannabis and my psych meds, for which I have dash cam evidence of my safe, unimpaired driving (jury didn’t care, they just heard sz and meds and ran for the guilty sign) and aside from that, I have no crimes or violations.
I am fearful of police. It has to do with them shooting sz hermits in their houses due to their history of mental illnesses. The numbers got so bad they had a special unit developed for “dealing with the mentally ill” in my city, as mandated by my city to ensure no further lawsuits or negative attention to police. Now I live in a high crime region and the police are always around. Sometimes, they drive by, stare at me, and then pull over into the neighborhood. They then reappear behind me, having driven around the block and back out onto the road I walk in. This is distressing. I hate being monitored more than I already am. It puts me on pins and needles. I start to walk all wobbly and I tend to twitch my wrists more on accident.
I am not a cop-blocker. I appreciate their sacrifice, I just don’t want any trouble, no attention, no conversations with police, nothing. I want to steer clear from all legal issues and people-pertaining-to-legal-issues.
Sometimes, the county drives around to ticket cars for “not moving” violations (meaning you leave your car parked for a long time and the county here doesn’t like that). Recently, the county took a pic of my car, according to my relative who saw them do this I got really nervous and parked it across the street, but I think they’ll come back.
I started thinking that it was the cops who were aware that I had to report a fellow officer for threatening me with a physical beating during the dui stop (initially for a broken headlight, but he said he smelled cannabis and blah blah blah i had an anxiety attack…blah blah…he said he’d drag me out, blah blah blah…begged him not to, eventually was arrested after disclosing the list of meds I took the night before). Now, I feel like I am just in their “bad criminal” category and i get super nervous and anxious when any police officer is around…if you know cops, they sense that and want to investigate why you’re so nervous.
Tips for body language around cops? Tips for not acting nervous? Tips for not being paranoid about getting framed? No, I don’t run around routinely committing crimes. I just get paranoid and anxious around officers. No need to tell me how guilty I am, I have actual video evidence of my unimpaired driving and audio evidence of the officer’s physical threat of violence against me after I complied and said, ‘ok’ to his orders. Tbh, he found out I was sz and on meds and that’s when he arrested me. I like cops, I think they’re hot, I swear I’m not a cop hater
Tbh, I took my abilify and it’s not doing much for my paranoia at the moment. This issue has been driving me up the wall since October, 2015. I hope my lack of sleep has not made this entry totally incoherent. It’s 5 am and I haven’t slept since 5 am yesterday.