So my episode has gone down a bit, and all my fear and obsession is just receding into high sensitivity to everything. Everything seems to upset me and set me off right now. I get furiously angry over the tiniest things, like someone walking in front of me and cutting me off or just at people for crowding the bus stop. I hate feeling so irritable.
Also the demons have been attacking me again and it hurts. But then their attacks get interrupted by this warm presence or feeling. It’s kind of like I’m doped up on cold medicine or something, but I’m not. If it is a presence then it’s not one that’s familiar to me, so I’m kind of wary about it. I wasn’t delusional except last night I had this INCREDIBLY vivid dream that fed my delusion and now I’m confused again, and then I kept seeing all these songs that also fed my delusion and ugh. I love how I can recognize that it’s a delusion but still can’t fully feel like it isn’t true. So weird.
I’m so jacked up right now I can’t focus on anything. I’m just so frustrated for a million particular reasons and no reason at the same time. I’ve just been listening to music and watching everything disappear in lights. The lights just hide everything and make everything blend together. It’s kind of difficult to explain.
I’m sorry if any of this is incoherent I’m sort of just rambling. Maybe I’m not coming down from my episode at all. Ugh. Wish the therapy appt I made was sooner than next month. Oh well. Until then, does anyone have any good coping mechanisms they’d like to share for any of this stuff?