Schizophrenia.com

Concerned about failing

I’m an economics student, second year, the second and final taught semester. Basically half way through a university degree for economics, UK.

I don’t really know how to keep my spirits up. I have adhd like symptoms as far as learning is concerned and it becomes problematic. My actual skill in communicating has taken a turn for the worse since developing psychotic illness and this shows a lot in my essays.

I feel like the bulk of my problems are from me psychologically or mentally not believing in ability to get on with things. And I can’t see whether I can conquer that. There’s some hope if I try?

This attempt at school means quite a lot to me.
It’s my only ticket to regaining indepenence and self security or sufficiency - a lot of hope went into pursuing this course and so naturally it carries a lot of my psyche.

I guess I want some encouragement? or I want to know who else is fighting something challenging and why are you continuing with it, what’s helping you?

Peace out,
Malik :pray:

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Did the psychosis start before you applied for the course or after you started it?

I’m considering doing an art course if it is not too hardcore and if I can afford it.

We can do this Maaaaaalik, hopefully… It is better to try than not to try if you believe there’s a hopeful chance that it might be worth it.

Psychosis started a long time before.

I haven’t had a significant episode since starting the course, thankfulyl.

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That’s awesome :slight_smile: that you haven’t had a significant episode since starting the course. Here’s to hoping things remain do able.

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Yeah, the thoughts in my head are doom and gloom so I’m only creating dialogue to make it more neutral.

I hope you do, I think education is great for rehabilitation and there’s ofc the added potential of self sufficiency.

Have you looked into foundation courses at universities? Government loans can fund it.

Tbh I haven’t looked at any courses except Royal college of art briefly because the deadlines for the assessed pieces are at the end of the two year course, talk about no pressure!!

I agree. It is brilliant to keep on trying to lead normal lives as much as possible

Why is it that you don’t believe in your ability to get on with things.

Is it because of fear of failure or?

That’s partly it. I have fear of failure, but I’ve realised that can be fixed by thinking the opposite. or ignoring it.

What gets me is that I distract myself easily and I struggle with focus.

I’ll open the slides and glance through the words and not much will feel natural or make sense to me, that’s what it feels like.

Do you find the topics interesting? Or boring?

Hm, yea that sounds challenging.

Try to remind yourself your ultimate goal in what passing the course means to you, as incentive. :slight_smile:

Do you have friends at uni that you can discuss the topics with, that might help to stimulate you

I find some of it quite interesting and some of it boring. I feel the way of delivery (online lectures) is quite difficult to be engaged with.

What I do to deal with it, is I copy the slides so that when I have an exam the notes are all there.

I agree with that, I have to keep reminding myself why I want it and what it took to get through so far.

I actually don’t have any friends at the university, not anybody I speak to. If I attended physical lectures I’d have a remembering of having actually heard the content.

Idk, it’s really confusing.

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What do you intend to do with your degree once you get it. Does that motivate you or do you feel you will not put it to use?

Yea that must be hard that you are not getting live lectures.

Good on you for keeping on keeping on nvt.

Yea that’s a good idea to write out the slides. It is also helping to initiate the learning process too a bit, if you are sort of taking in what you are writing at the same time.

I wish you all the best. When I was young, I was so intimidated by everyone, I didn’t realize how intelligent I was, (although I’m not a genius). I let a lot of anxiety ruin my education. I wish I would have believed in myself and made it a priority.

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Can you focus enough to write, take notes and rewrite essential sentences in your own words?
These are what made me succeed in university and get my degree while I was on Abilify. Sz diagnosis came at the end of the first semester but I had symptoms 2yrs before that. I didn’t try stimulants/ADHD meds but I do wonder if they would have allowed me to get a master or PhD. I did 3 yrs which is 6 semesters.

Glad you studying such a good subject economics is always good to hear.

I wanted to do a master specialization in physical rehabilitation which is 1yr on top of the 3yrs. With my current degree I can work as a physiotherapist but under the supervision of a licensed physiotherapist who will be my boss and I can’t have my own clinic.

I also need to pass the certification exam of the kinesiologists federation. I made an account and uploaded my grades transcript but still didn’t apply for their exam as I was unmedicated back then, stopped meds for 2yrs. Its done twice each year but I only need to pass it once to be certified.

@KushiDays Are you diagnosed with ADHD?

Honestly I can’t even do all the jobs I can do with my degree, only like a couple ones like the one I did before graduating, gym manager. It was a job for student.

I spent 8 years in the workforce. State run rehabilitation services did a psyche evaluation and deemed I wasn’t fit for training. I was only out of the hospital for a month. So I got a job on my own. I started out cleaning toilets. I was cleaning other peoples waste off of toilet seats. People made fun of me and I was looked down on.

Within a year I found someone willing to train me in a trade. I then went on to work at Ford Motor Company. I advanced quickly. After 3 years at Ford they found out I had schizophrenia. They started writing me up 2 times a week. They wrote me up for stuff I didn’t even do and I had proof. They were building a case to fire me. When they fired me I cried. There was nothing I could do.

Here in the states for me to get my medication I need to have a job that provides health insurance. My medication costs $1200 a month. If I get fired or laid off I lose my health insurance and I can’t afford my medication.

I had to overcome a lot to get where I was mentally and in the working class. I had to give it all up and go on government disability. I now get in a month what I made in a week at Ford.

All you can do is give it your best. If you fail just know you tried your hardest. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be and you need to except things for the way they are.

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