I am very similar. I actually kept my ■■■■ together while I had by break (military discipline, I wanted to join ROTC and was had extreme self-discipline skills) and made a 3.5 that year…It was ugly though, I cut alot of class and was an alcoholic and smoked a pack a day.
Over the summer and fall of last year I got on meds and made a 3.96, and now I am considered to be in remission.
Don’t worry about meds. Take them, I take them, and I do fine, just like you. I also have generalized anxiety disorder, so I tend to worry and ruminate and sometimes wake up in the early morning due to things on my mind.
I suggest that you keep your mind set on the positives; you sound like you are in remission like me, and I remind myself that I am just doing what is appropriate, nothing more and nothing less. School is the best place to be for you right now. When I get fidgety and feel like I want to be somewhere else, I remind myself that school is the best place to be right now.
Don’t let school scare you. It is scary to realize that you are a few pills away from being psychotic…I live with that too.
You will be fine. I also get anxious at the start of semesters but I always finish so strong, I finish my finals early and feel like it was worth it when I walk up to the desk and hand in my exam. Then we get summer or winter breaks, where we are free to do whatever we want!
But I tell myself that doing well in school despite being mentally ill is an awesome accomplishment and that’s how I keep my engines running. I look at it like a challenge.