Apart from a brief,unsuccessful try at a correspondence course in the early days of getting a psychiatric dx I stopped studying when I was first admitted to hospital. I’ve never been physically into a building to study since then.
Social anxiety and memories of being bullied by my peers were the main reasons. Also there was the fear of failure. Let’s just say I had a feeling there was something wrong, but it wasn’t till years later that i worked out I had a learning difficulty. Of course I’ve never been diagnosed as such,because in the 60s and 70s if you were reasonably intelligent such things were very rarely considered.
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I lost math in senior at highschool but got a barely capable TE score…( our score to get into university ). I did an arts degree but failed everything. Was majoring in english lit but got kicked out because of low gpa.
Went back years later as part time but failed that too. I had my first depressive break then so never went back. Smoked a lot of weed till 5 years later with psychosis and sz.
As I say. I was intelligent but a dope. Loose as a goose and couldn’t apply myself mentally to any extent. Had a good memory which helped but could only talk a good game. I was a dope! Smart but unintelligent!
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I feel like even today if you are intelligent and fairly well spoken professionals are hesitant to diagnosis you with things like schizophrenia or schizoaffective, which is silly because intelligence does not equal mental soundness. Sorry to hear you have struggled with education. It’s never too late.
I doubt you’d be bullied if you went back now. And here’s the thing I’ve learned about failure- it’s not actually that big of a deal. The first time I failed a class I felt like it was the end of the world, didn’t know if I’d make it in my degree, etc. Ended up just retaking the class and replacing my grade and moving on with my life. I didn’t even just fail one college class I failed several mostly due to my then uncontrolled symptoms but you just keep moving forward. I ended up getting my degree with a 3.4 GPA, not too shabby. And once you’re stable things get immensely easier. I have a 3.6 now and have not failed a single class since starting my second degree.
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I managed to get 6 O levels(didn’t do Science ones) in English lang, English lit, French,history, Latin and Maths. They weren’t top notch grades but not too bad considering I did minimal revising.
Things went downhill when I started studying for A levels. I think due to a combination of starting to get ill, and the higher order thinking that was required. I think that really emphasised my executive functioning difficulties.
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Nothing good comes from living in the past. The system was back then even less prepared for special cases such as yours.
Fortunately, today you can choose from myriads of online education options. No need to show up in a classroom filled with young ignorant pricks, 40 years your juniors, and start doubting yourself after seeing so many necks turn. From the comfort of your couch you can get virtually any diploma that doesn’t require lab practice (but I doubt you dream of becoming a surgeon anyway 
)
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Im sure you could do it if you got over being afraid of failing. I failed multiple times in college, still got in grad school. I was in grad school abroad when I got my symptoms and had to leave. I finally got reaccepted to go back, but now Im worried my symptoms will get worse again when I go back
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With my fine motor skills I’d soon earn the nickname “Mr Death”
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If you expend for studying at least half the effort and time you put in researching articles to post here, I guarantee you’ll be unstoppable.
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It’s harder with an illness. I want to go back and finish my math degree but don’t know when. I have to relearn the material first. I have to go to community college.
I think I wont get into grad school because I got a lot of C’s in math. Actuary field is challenging. Same with software engineering.
Don’t know what I want to do with my life.
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I second what @Andrey is saying. I go to school online at a good university and it has made it so much easier. You don’t make friends this way but its much easier to work around my episodes
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@firemonkey…you’ve been to the university of life…your life has more depth than any university degree…Keep up the POsts
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