Coming here just to be

There’s a line in a U2 song that goes " everyone was having a good time, except you. You were talking about the end of the world." I always related to that. So, because I thought I was wrong to be that way, and wrong in general, I stuffed so much inside. I didn’t get the help I needed as a result. This forum is a safe place to be and express honestly, and I appreciate that. The world loves happy fluff 'n stuff, and I’ve never related. While I never want to bring anyone down, this forum is primarily, for me, a place to hear and express our unique truths. Not having to be pretty, funny or entertaining; just true…

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I am learning from my husband the benefits of wanting to get through this life “happy”, almost like the happiness keeps one intact. I let go of more things now than I used to… But because happiness is elusive for me, I don’t want to be thought less of or criticized just for being honest about who I am. I’m a painter, but I don’t look down on those who can’t paint. It’s not a skill they were born with. It’s the same to me. Really hate to be told to lighten-up… :blush:

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Some of us don’t enjoy misery or, worse, bearing witness to those who do. We’d rather read a good book while getting nuzzled by a purring cat. With a nice cuppa within reach, of course. Not apologizing for it.

Off to record the voice bits of my next podcast. Enjoy your evening, or don’t. Your choice.

In my social backwardness, these are just the kinds of posts that inspire me to put on my clown suit. Post super negativity at own risk :stuck_out_tongue:

@Erratica please don’t talk to pixel anymore. I don’t want you getting kicked out of here. Just ignore him.

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I don’t think being that way, in and of itself, is something to apologize for. But it trips me the ■■■■ out when mentally ill people are judging or guilt-tripping each other for each other’s symptoms. Seems like we get enough guilt tripping and judgement from neurotypicals as it is. I think we get enough “snap out of it” from neurotypicals as it is.

But then my perspective might always be a bit desensitized since I’m a classic emotionally aroused borderline. Emotion doesn’t scare me at all, but it seems to bother most people. I’ve noticed more than once that when @Anna10 is being honest about how 1. she feels like ■■■■, and 2. she feels like she can’t do anything about it, it’s like more than a few people get almost mad or freaked out, like she shouldn’t be posting here if she’s lower functioning and depressed about it. Like wtf is up with that.

You’re not immune to it, either, @shutterbug. Wasn’t it you who posted some time ago, some nasty rant about your mother because she was afraid to vaccinate or something, or your snide little remarks about people who smoke pot. Or you posting about drinking a dangerous amount of energy drinks, just to get people to react to it. If you think you don’t have your own negative energies at play, you’re kidding yourself. But yours are OKAY too.

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Oh, I definitely do – I admit it. I’m just trying to avoid things that reinforce them and make them worse. Extreme negativity is a trigger for me.

Like a battery, for there to be a circuit for energy, both positive and negative are needed.

Otherwise, no power.

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In your example, it’s not the emotion that bothers people. The people who are being harsher about it are the people who tried soothing and patience and understanding for months. The ones who are being soothing and patient and understanding right now are pretty uniformly new to the scene.

At some point, you recognize that a certain approach - cajoling and flattering - are not only not working, but actively encouraging a person to remain locked in a pattern that is causing them distress. So if you genuinely care, you try a new approach.

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This thread turned into something I didn’t intend, so I apologize to anyone who was offended. My point was partly that we have to put on a happy face to function each day. I’m a mom of a young adult (with sz), a daughter of a dad with dementia, a wife (self-explanatory?), and a co-worker who’s employers do not know… I put up and function all day every day, and smile and wave. When I come on here and need the community of people who understand the fight and even what’s actually normal for me it’s a comfort. I don’t want to trigger anyone, but what is the point of the forum if we can’t be honest… Honestl happy=great, honestly struggling= ok too.

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You don’t mention having a mental illness of your own?

I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, social anxiety disorder, chronic depression and bulimia.
Anyway, I wanted to mention a book I read that I found helpful called “Learning to Walk in the Dark” by Barbara Brown Taylor.
Learning to embrace darkness helped me to not be overcome by it. Not flaunting, not worshipping or glorifying, but accepting.

Wow, it feels like you’re picking a fight, @shutterbug. I didn’t know I had to re-state my diagnosis to qualify posting here. I’ve been coming to this forum since November. If I’ve hit a nerve with you or you just don’t like me, then say so. If you feel I am a detriment or have nothing to offer this forum, then say so.