Ever since all the bad stuff happened to me church has been a difficult thing to go to. Before all that when I was close to God church gave me such peace and warmth. Now when I go for some reason I feel deeply tense and uneasy. A lot of times I am attacked by demons there. Today at Easter mass I felt Plague holding me in a death grip. It was painful how tightly he held my soul. I prayed and prayed for deliverance but his grip just got tighter and I felt ill. He completely blocked any feelings from God. All my events at church are now scary and stressful. I am not yet freed from my oppression, it seems.
As soon as I left the church Plague stopped gripping me so tightly and I could relax. He really hates it there. I did notice his grip slipped a little when I was splashed with holy water, like he recoiled for a bit.
It makes me very sad that I have this demon blocking me from God’s love. I want to feel it like I used to.
I don’t know how to free myself from Plague. I’ve rebuked him, prayed constantly, ignored him, etc. I can send him away for periods of time but I cannot break my bond to him and I don’t know how to do so.
If you like we can talk about this private message. The moderators dont like discussions like this here open for all to see. They say it causes too much conflict and stress.
I had a slight amount of this when Ill mostly because all of the people and delusions of strangers. But my brother who’s sz seemed to have some attacks similar to yours.
Hopefully today goes a little better, sorry it wasn’t a good experience.
I’ve been through the God and the devil phase. It’s really a rollercoaster of weighted ideas and values, a balance and measuring scale.
It’s a tight grip of self-preservation,
And the greater values and ideas of religion are the cause of the emplacement.
I haven’t been to church in awhile. Last time I went then priest was sepeaking and he said, “The lord said 'I am”. I blurted out “Yahweh!”. It was hard for me to keep quiet so I stopped going. I’m taking different meds now. I’d like to try going again. I used to like visiting different sites of worship when I was younger. This topic may get closed soon because religious discussion is against the rules, it can be triggering and differing opinions often lead to arguments. With that being said, best wishes.
I have a hard time at church as well. Mostly because a lot of my delusions revolved (some still) around religion. In private I have no problems praying or practicing my faith, so that’s good. I know these delusions will pass with time, just takes time.
I can see where you’re coming from. It doesn’t bother me in the least bit. Actually, it’s refreshing Anna. Sadly, I don’t make the rules. Not trying to being you down or belittle your post in the least bit. Just giving you a heads up.
religious worship of any kind is difficult for me to sit through too… same kinda issues… not the plague specifically but the same kind of feelings… I just take the little one on walks through the forest now…no people is easier for me… being in nature is relaxing too…
