As a child I often though people were out to kill me, poison me,
The cartoons I watched the characters would say things only I could hear like they are going to hurt you,don’t eat that it’s poison. And I would throw my gogurt or my air heads away. This went on for several months my parents assumed it was over imagination and did nothing to help me. I would see and experience weird things that I have no way to explain. like a doll turning it’s head to look at me. eventually when I started acting weird (sitting in dark corners) rocking back and forth) and telling my parents I did not want to eat because I thought they were going to poison me They assumed I was posessed because they are very religious. they poured holy oil on my head and prayed over me, it did nothing the symptoms lasted for so long my dad would yell at me saying MAYBE we should put you up for adoption if you keep thinking we’re going to hurt you…which messed me up more and more finally I myself rid myself of the psychosis and paranoia by telling myself to rid it from my mind over and over again I pictured a man in a dark suit who I assumed was the root of my problems (as a child I made him into a scary man to deal with it more to assume it was a person I felt like I could deal with it better) so I pushed him out of my mind and I went back to reality never really normal again but a some sort of reality.
Years later I still see things I still hear things I always fear I will go back into that psychosis wich I still don’t remember everything I said and did during that time it was a very dark time for me…I have never been diagnosed or seen a doctor. I wasn’t sure if I should because my symptoms are way less severe from the way I was back then, back then I even contemplated suicide as young as 11. and even wanted to kill my dad before I thought he was going to kill me… as young as 7. Now all I see and hear are shapes,shadows, dis embodied voices, what sounds like a radio or tv on in the bg sometimes… I get moments of paranoia where I think people are going to hurt me or nothing is real or I am part of an experiment but these only last for a few days then go away I think I can handle myself pretty well now… the closest thing to describe myself is schizophrenia because it ties into everything I have felt and experienced for the past 15 years. I am now 22) I started experiencing these things between age 7 and 8 and never stopped they only lessened and became less of a problem. Should I see a doctor? should I get help? or should I keep going on and dealing with things as I have always done.
As a child I often though people were out to kill me, poison me,
Well obviously no one gives a sh*** I made this account recently to ask for help because I saw this forum and I though who knows Maybe just maybe someone would be willing to give me some input or some help in what I should do with my life but I guess not… sorry I should have never posted.
A) It’s late on a Saturday afternoon. People are eating dinner or otherwise occupied.
B) See below
- Get a copy of this book and read it. Have your family read it, too.
Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
Work with that p-doc to develop a medication formula that stabilizes your symptoms sufficiently so that you can tackle to the psychotherapy that will disentangle your thinking from reality effectively. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html
the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy
or standard CBTs, like…
REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/
I care. And I would be very happy to talk to you. I was diagnosed with childhood onset schizophrenia at age 12 and I can relate to many of the things youve said youve experienced. I say that you should definately get help. Just “dealing with things as yove always done” wont help or make things go away and could actually lead to things getting worse. You should try looking into finding a psychologist to talk to about this and possibly diagnose you. Or you could even go to your primary doctor who could probably refer you to a specialist. Best of luck
YOu should make an appointment with the psychiatrist. You seem to be rather ill and I thik you would benefit from a stay in psychiatric hospital. You need some R and R. I hope thing s improve for you and I do care like a lot of other people.
Sorry For getting snippy…Sometimes I just get that way because i am quick to think people either don’t care about me or don’t like me…it’s the paranoia.
I will take some of your suggestions to heart and try to get help. thank you.
Wow!! You’re so brave and kind!! I wish i was like you! you’re message helped me a lot! I got help to recover from something like this
for me it started at the age of 26, i thought people were trying to kill me, voices in my head told me not to go out without my parents otherwise people would kill me, with food i had the same problems, food had a different smell and i thought i was going to die if i ate it , voices told me to drink holy water instead of normal water , and i went to the hospital where they fed me through perfusion for 2 months because i didn’t want to eat anything anymore! I thank you for making this post! You’ve helped me a lot!
I’d say… find a doc and maybe get a solid diagnosis… if it’s full on Sz… or schizoaffective… or something else… then you know what your up against.
It’s not like this for everyone … but you want to know what your facing… and there is better testing these days…
I’m med compliant and will always be so… if your not on meds… maybe at least go to a therapist and start a support safety net if you do slide back into the darkness.
I resisted help for a long time… that only led me to being homeless… almost leaving this life and lots of other legal scrapes I could have avoided.
welcome to the forum.
I understand exactly what you were and are going through now. When I was a little girl, I would experience hallucinations and delusions, but I never really knew because I thought that everyone else grew up with them. Reflecting on when I lived in Ohio, I can recall several instances from when I was having hallucinations and/or delusions. A hallucination that I had when we lived in our house-apartment (the apartment looked like a house on the outside but was sectioned into four parts for my family and the three others to live in) was like a mix of an irrational fear you get as a child (monsters under the bed, etc.) and my messed-up brain.
I was around six years old when I had to go to my father for something. My mom told me that he may have been downstairs in the basement of our apartment, and I approached the basement door and began to walk down the staircase. Contrary to what I was expecting, I did not find my father. While I was looking around for him, I began to hear voices. I couldn’t hear what they were saying because there were so many and they were so quiet. They were just overlapping each other so much. When I turned around to what seemed like to be another room of the basement, I saw the shadow of a horned monster moving against light in the other room. Then I could hear the voices saying, “There is a monster on here. Get out now.” and I could see the sentences being written on the walls in red by something invisible. I listened to what they were saying and ran for my life back up the stairs.
I’d rather not talk about anything else right now since it’s late at night and the night makes me feel paranoid, but if you ever want to talk more with me, I’m always here and I can share more experiences if you’d like to hear more. Right now, I really think that you should go find someone that can help you with your condition. Then you’ll be able to take medicine that will keep your psychosis at bay. I think you’re super brave and you deserve to get help. Keeping you in my thoughts and make sure to keep us updated.