i cared too much what others thought of me now i couldnt care less
Same pedro! I used to be very self-consciousā¦way too much. Now Iāve become way more cerebral to the point of realizing nothing of it really matters much at all as long as Iām happy.
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I am completely different now at 42 compared to teens and 20s
I think going on seroxat and new antipsychotics changed me
@turningthepage i gave them the power over me in many ways, now i say iām the boss and in control
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I disagree you seem to me to be caring person. I think the world just got very complicated and youāre just trying to put out a persona that you donāt care.
@Dreamscape the reason of my psychosis was i cared too much imo
Thereās a difference between being caring and empathetic than being too self-conscious and care too much. I often think the most caring people are the ones who are the most natural, and in that way they donāt ācareā as much. I think OP is just natural now rather than artificially frozen in anxiety like he possibly was in his younger days.
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@turningthepage your right , im free now i can look anyone stright in the eye, i value myself now
Iāve needed to find a balance in caring.
There was a time I cared a lotā¦ I didnāt want to appear differentā¦ I cared if people were talking about meā¦ judging meā¦ thinking I was strangeā¦ It wound me up and kept me awake at night.
then I went through a phase were I didnāt care at ALLā¦ not on lick. I didnāt care about anyone or anythingā¦ I used that to justify all sorts of selfish and mean behavior.
Then I found the more I didnāt care about anyoneā¦ the more no one cared about me.
Now I feel like I have balance. I do care what some people think. Not everyoneā¦ but there are someā¦ and I do care.
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SZ people can be very sensitive.in general mainly from withholding our emotions and comes back to bite us in the end. Tends to be trying to withhold our emotions that is the reason for our SZ. Try a decent therapist and find out how cathodic crying, talking and opening your repressed emotions can be. Then come back to me. .
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Yeah Iām starting to find the balance now too. It wasnāt that I didnāt care ever though it was that I described life in a way that nothing matters, nothing is real. I remember saying āEven if I was a bird I would be asking God why the hell he put me hereā. Thoughts like that were weird. And unreal. I couldnāt stick up for myself because nothing mattered. Now Iām starting to find ārealityā better. A middle ground between not caring and caring like you said.
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I feel like Iām on this same wave length itās part of my cycles. Caring and putting my heart and soul into something or someone, then when it ends up hurting pulling all the way back to the point I say I donāt care at all āI have no more ā ā ā ā ā to giveā.
So insightful!! You all really put to words the feeling I had in my head.
@SurprisedJ i do care about a lot but because ive found my way, i dont give a ā ā ā ā what others think anymore, remission 3 year like
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