Can't stop thinking that all food is bad for me

Unusual Beliefs
1

I don’t know what has happened. As a child, I always had a MASSIVE appetite. I’ve had phases of disordered eating since the age of 12 but the phases were never long lasting and I still loved food despite being obsessed with my weight.

However, since around June this year, I’ve been having strange thoughts about food… that I do not need it and it is not supposed to be in my body. Having a sudden substantially smaller appetite hasn’t helped. So I think okay cool, I won’t eat anything then. But then after a while, the hunger gets too much and I eat. Then I am left with two problems.

  1. GUILT. Funny how in a world where terrorists and murderers exist, I feel guilty for eating food… and gaining weight. Yeah that’s just my disordered eating. Like eating a plate of spaghetti with vegetables is suddenly going to make me obese. Sure.

  2. SHAME. I am disgusted with myself for eating because I don’t need it. I keep having visions of my internal organs rejecting the food I have eaten because it is not supposed to be there. Then I start panicking about when it will leave and I get commands to take laxatives. But I hate taking laxatives- they taste like TRASH.
    But all of this is not supposed to be in my body yet there are no healthy ways I can get rid of it and I can’t just stop eating because I still get hunger pains for some reason :frowning:

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2

Humans need food to survive. It all depends on what you eat and the amount you eat.

3

When I was becoming ill, I began having similar thoughts but mostly thoughts of like, “What if this hurts me/is poisoned?” and so I’d avoid eating it or if I did eat it, I wouldn’t like it and then my appetite would shift to less.
Medicine has made it a lot easier to avoid those thoughts and to eat without guilt.

4

Sounds like you have the beginnings of an eating disorder. Please mention it to your doctor. Eating disorders are nasty and some can be fatal.

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