Can you think about your parents' mistakes without malice?

I think this is the secret to healing. Because, ultimately, it is out parents who gave us life.

I’m glad my mom had me, but blame her for most of her decisions after that point. Some people aren’t cut out to be parents. Or human beings.

maybe she’ll be a dog in her next life. :slight_smile:

My existing in my family is just showing to others my family has a son, from my opinion.

Hopefully in China.

I wish my parents had told me at an early age, ‘that just because someone is older, doesn’t mean they are smarter than you’.

I always bowed to people older than me when I was young. In hindsight, I should’ve just gone with my own gut. Most of these people I looked up to were idiots.

Well…that’s a tough one.
My kid was about to go to a birthday party but got sick. He wanted it so much though that when I told him he can’t go, he started crying and was prepared to do it for the rest of a day. So I gave him a paracetamol and took him to the party.
It reminded me when I was little and if my parents said no to something, for example a school trip or a pool, I could die out of tears they didn’t care. I used to cry for hours.

@Sarad Yeah, but your son could be contagious and the other kids at the party could catch whatever he has.:frowning:

It was just a seasonal flu.
Maybe it was a bad example.

My mom sounds a lot like you as a mom. She did her best to give us the childhood she never got to experience. As a result we may have been a bit spoiled some of the time. The problem came when we didn’t want the things she thought we should want. Total first world problem there, though.

I don’t hold against her anything that happened after my dad died. She was grieving, and I stepped up. I’m still a bit pissed at her for stealing from me when I was sick. I wish I could get an apology of some sort, but she just pretends it never happened. She says I was paying her rent and helping her out. I’ll probably learn to let it go eventually.

I’m still shocked when I realize I’m the same age right now that my mom was when she had me. When that thought comes to mind and how irresponsible I am at this point in my life, I can hardly blame her for a lot of the bad things she did. If I had kids right now, I can’t exactly promises that I would be any better.


My mom is really conservative. Actually most of my family has that provincial mindset full of prejudices. I could never speak with my parents about things.

I am a little bit bitter, and I have a little rancor about some things my parents did. Then I remember all the good things they did for me, and I also remember what I put them through in spite of all they did for me. I was really bitter towards my dad when I was growing up. I regarded him as a total failure as a human being, but I realized he had good traits too as I got older.


I do not blame my parents for my problems - I went higher up the food chain and blamed God. That is when I started getting to the truth. I (my being of self awareness or soul as I would have it) could have been born into any family at anytime on the face of the earth. If you don’t believe “God” placed you in your circumstances than I guess you would have to blame science for your problems.

Just so no one gets the wrong idea. I no longer blame God - I praise and thank him every moment of every day for his glorious mysterious Divine Providence,

So this doesn’t go off topic towards religion…

I don’t blame my parents, or do I have malice in my thoughts about the mistakes they did, but I know they are/were responsible for their actions as adult human beings, so they should’ve taken that responsibility a bit more seriously.


As I mature my parents seem more fallible than they used to be. Maybe they’re losing their edge as they get older, or maybe it is all due to me maturing. It has only been in the last, say, 5 years or so, that I notice myself considering their opinions as contingent advice. Whereas before, I might not like it, but would conceive of their opinions more as necessary rules: this is what’s going to happen, this is what I ought to do. I think they voice their opinions differently as well while I have been becoming older, not laying out the law but indeed giving advice. On few occasions, they still have a bit of a tone that says I ought to do this or that, and it feels absurd to me. Perhaps this is all natural to maturing, and I think I was also perhaps a bit late with it.

I can hardly remember the good times. My parents divorced when I was 16 and I lived back and forth till 18. It was hard to love them both at the same time.

44 now and finally feeling like I can love them both. Spent most of my 20s and 30s avoiding them and their new families. Just trying to make my own way without guidance. Finally ready to admit I have failed by living in my own mind all the time.

50 is going to show up fast so it’s time to be a better person. Not going to live forever.

I feel no real malice when I think about my past and the people who have wronged me. It’s a messed up world out there. I can’t blame them.


To be honest, I can’t forgive my father for his mistakes. My mom, yes - she was young, overworked, had a terrible example, and despite it tried to do her best by my sister and me. Mistakes were made, but not intentionally.

My dad, on the other had, engaged in a full scale betrayal of my sister and me, and stood by while we were abused, and was party to our neglect, not because he didn’t realize but because it was more convenient for him to allow it. I don’t forgive that. I don’t know that malice is the right word for what I feel, but what I feel is very cold and angry.

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