Well, you know, I was so closed since kid, that all my family didnt hear a word from me since I was small… i almost didn’t talk, i was closed, i was passive, i lacked energy, i wasnt sharing nothing and i was probably cold… I was like this all my life since kid, pals… I dont know why I was such a kid. My diagnosis of sz came when I was 26. But my sister knowing me like this all my life, once said in her anger that i am a zombie… she knew nothing else from me… Is there a sz like this? A sz since kid?? Is it my case?
At the time it hurt me a lot, that she called me a zombie… that she knew nothing else from me, yeap… 
I wont go back in this zombie state, no? 
It’s a scar now I guess the fact, that I was almost not a human in the past, for never… I hope I’ll get over this wound… 
I just hear stories of schizophrenics who were “someone” before their diagnosis… idk why me, I was almost dead like since kid… 
Hugs
Does all this make me inhuman now? To have had no life since a kid even?
I dont understand what is this tbh… I’ve also had, with all this, only people and friends who never knew nothing "normal " about me…maybe I was just a big deception to them idk… but yeah, I ignore what is this, to have it even since kid lol…
it doesn’t make you inhuman… i had some life but i was always fighting with my illness so i never got to enjoy it much. I just did things cause i was fighting with myself all the time. I joined the army cause i was fighting with myself and then after my time in the army i started to do trucking of sea shipping containers but i couldn’t enjoy anything.
Now these days i’m doing a bit better and i can enjoy small things but it’s still really hard.
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