Can i ask what obsessional thinking means to you?

I am just wondering how it relates to me?

I have theses strong thoughts my pdoc is out to get me. I think he and his medical team are spying on me (I don’t want to go to much into it because I 100% sure they are spying on me) I obsess he has a vendetta against me so much.

Can I ask how you have obsessional thinking?

Matrix delusion. I think nothing is real off medications. Life is just an illusion. I can’t stop thinking about it and I get panic attacks. I get racing thoughts, I guess.

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Even on meds or partly treated?

It’s partly treated. I think it will be proved correct in the near future.

Im on 75 Invega… I still feel my pdoc is against me but I’m on meds and I’m uncertain thinking this thing?

I have semi obsessional thinking. I think about the same things every day BUT I don’t think about them all day long. I think it might just come from not doing anything. So I have the same “themes” day after day.

Coming from a delusional person, I think you’re delusional. What does he have to gain from it? He probably has a life and a busy schedule full of patients.

I’ve been told in the past that I was a trouble patient and that I was a hard patient to deal with/fix.

IMO, you can’t fix something that is freaking real.

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I know I’m a case study Insidemind! I’m his gaslighting personal project!!! I have seen my community nurse for the last 3 years and he keeps telling me he’s not but I keep thinking that he is… I’m unsure if he planed to microchip in my armpit? I will never talk to my nurse about that again… ever!!!

I’m sorry it must be hard being told that Insidemind? I wouldn’t cope with that…

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Your medical team is not spying on you. They’re just not. I hate that you’re struggling with this because I know how much anguish it causes.

Well, it was sort of passive aggressive the first time. I guess I was discriminated against for having Asperger’s. I mean the psychologist I was dealing with kept saying I wasn’t and kept pushing schizotypal PD. And then this nurse said she didn’t want me in her groups because I had Asperger’s. Like I didn’t have enough sense to act properly and respectfully around others. I guess it had to do with the hospital and psychiatrists because they make the final decision. I guess I also pissed off my parents around that time too because I was seen as a problem. I wasn’t getting better.

This psychologist thought he knew everything. That I was an INTP not an INTJ. That because I talked about Chakras in a causal manner I was somehow weird/aloof.

Anyways, they didn’t want me coming back for a while. Maybe I was supposed to get a second opinion? It was a Christian hospital. I guess they weren’t open to new ideas. I almost died there years later from NMS. I won’t be going back–ever.

Also, they couldn’t figure out I had schizophrenia. Why on earth would they diagnose me with Asperger’s if I was psychotic is beyond me. Yes, the doctors were great and smart but they spent 5 minutes with the patient, which is pretty typical in America. I mean, I spent more time with STUDENTS than the actual doctor.

My other psychiatrist said I was her hardest patient. I guess because I wouldn’t take my medication and complained too much. I wasn’t getting better. But she did admit I was one of the few patients of hers that still takes meds. THINK ABOUT THAT!

With my psychosis, comes ‘special powers’ (I know, magical thinking). I mean I’m pretty sure we’ll find computer code in M-theory and string theory like Professor Gates found. We’ll find more of it. I believe the whole M theory is just a cover to make things look more real than it actually is. It’s to stall us from finding out the real truth.

I don’t know, but I know in my past lives/other parallel universes I was abducted by aliens. I think they took me out of the simulation before, which makes me think ‘why me?’. Why am I schizophrenic and why am I in a simulation? And why do I remember this stuff?

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Insidenmind - Can I just say you sound like a incredibly intelligent person although you have some difficult things going on which I totally understand. I am always thinking about my place in the world? I am a Pantheist…

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