Burning in hell

My mind is on fire with the words of the Gods and I wrote a book featuring those words.

I’m done with this world. I’ve broken my neck years ago and the restorative surgery has caused damage in lower vertebrae. Another surgery is in the works. My lower back has nerve damage from a fall. I’m Autistic. I’m schizophrenic. Plus I have brain and spinal cord damage from the fall that broke my neck. I walk with a limp and on some days a cane because I am mildly paralyzed.

I’m 40 years old.

I’ve already cleared this with my family and the friends I love most so your opinions won’t sway me. In ten years, if I am still suffering the agony of nerve pain just getting out of bed and such simple acts like getting clothes on my body or using the toilet… I’m going to want to die.

I already want to die. I love my life but I can’t take it any more. I already almost did it once a few years back. This time it is planned and everyone I know agrees. It isn’t fair to expect me to live another 40 years like this. I promised my family and friends ten more good years but that’s all I want.

I want out and my husband of twenty years is understanding. It is selfish of EVERYONE to expect me to stick around for them.

In the past few years I have built up a rather large circle of friends for someone who has an aversion to people. I’m good at my job at McDonald’s if not a little slow from the pain. I’ll be happy in this world until my ten years are up.

When that time comes my husband said exactly “we will move to Washington or somewhere where it is legal to do it medically”

I want to go out with Belladonna Nightshade but medically is probably faster and less painful. I might go to hell.

This increases nerve growth factor. Heals damaged nerves. Helped someone on this forum with a back injury recover well enough to lift weights again (check @velociraptor 's posts.)

And if this isn’t good enough, I have something else coming tomorrow that is a total gamechanger.

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I respect your feelings & the challenges you face. I hope the best for you & your loved ones. There are many concepts of the afterlife. I believe in love in The Stars beyond The Veil. Hugs

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Amyloban lowered my pain so much that I was able to let go of my vicodin prescription. I’ve also lost my tolerance to vicodin. I have some left and wound up taking one for dental pain last month. One pill normally wouldn’t even faze me as I took two at a time. The one pill I popped left me so stoned I couldn’t remember how to log into my Zoom AA meeting that night and I was chairing, so that was embarrassing.

Bloody amazing. I only took it for help with my positive symptoms, so this was an entirely unexpected benefit. The nerve pain is from spinal and nerve damage from a traumatic injury in my early twenties. It still hurts, but I no longer live in agony.


I am sorry to hear you are going through so much pain. It’s good you have friends and are still working though. May I ask how long you have been working at Mc donalds for? I am just wondering because I want to get back working.

A year at McDonald’s

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Amyloban stops your positive symptoms?

It helps reduce them. I’m on a maintenance dose of Geodon with Amyloban. When I stopped using Amyloban the symptoms worsened and I wound up back at 80 mg per day. I can’t go off it. I also can’t go off the Geodon and just use the Amylobann, positives come back quickly and my insight start to shred. Amyloban seems to boost the effectiveness of my AP so I get by with much less.

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Steppenwolf is a novel by prize winning author Hermann Hesse.

In the story, Harry, the 48 year old protagonist, is a schizophrenic who comforts himself with the idea that at age 50, he’ll allow himself to kill himself. Then, he meets an attractive young woman, and the adventure begins.

The film version came out in 1974, and now I have it on DVD.


You should try to live find a hobby that you take an interest in cuz I would think you are to precious to your family to leave this earth so young

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Any research to back it up?

Check out the second post.

im curious why you think your going tg hell, i also have the same thoughts cause thats what voices tell me.

Sorry you are hurting so much that you want to die in 10 years. I think i can understand why you would want this, though i hope you will find something that makes you change your mind. You must be a kind person, your loved ones care about you.

I dont think you will go to hell for this.

I just hope you will find relief for some of your issues. Wishing you strength.

Yes. You can find it using Google.

My husband broke his neck, and three places in his spine all the way down to his lumbar spine. He is in severe pain all the time. But he exercises and has gained some mobility through exercise over the last 10 years. Try physical therapy again. Keep doing what they teach you when you’re at home. It’s possible to push through and keep living. Don’t give up!

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God bless you @Annie2012 . İ hope everything is going to be ok for you :sparkler::sunrise:

May i say also… there may be support to live more happily… I hope it finds u and myself also… I cant say I have ur challenges yet i question the option of departure in my path & I do not claim i know whats best in the bigger picture.
I just hope love to prevail in this life.

I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering so much but please don’t give up hope. Take it one day at a time, even one moment at a time.

You don’t have to live in pain…

I just can’t fake it for that much longer