I used to pride myself on being well educated. I read medical texts for the sheer joy of it. I studied different languages and religions, literature that is significant to different cultures and the history of the time period to better understand it. I knew about cars, guns, politics, and I always wrote in perfect English (well, American English). I was a talented musician who could pick up new instruments and play them well in a matter of weeks.
Now, I don’t remember any of it. When I try to learn, I can’t focus or recall what I’ve read. It’s like a major part of who I was has been leached out of me. Without these things, I feel like I’m not myself. I can’t hold decent conversations. And now, I’m starting to have periods where I think I am dissociating. I wake up the next day and can’t tell what was a dream and what wasn’t. It all feels so unreal but real at the same time.
So to answer the question (sorry about the long response), yes, I definitely feel as though my brain is all kinds of messed up.
I feel like I lose brain cells every time I have a psychotic break. My pdoc says it’s not been proven but it’s possible. That’s enough to make me paranoid about it.
i believe my brain to be somewhat damaged from sz though I think it is less damaged than it was at some time ago. I think our brains can naturally repair themselves to some degree
Not meant as a comment about anybody of course, it’s just a cool song.
“Brain Damage”
The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'till I’m sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
“I can’t think of anything to say except…
I think it’s marvellous! HaHaHa!”
I dont know if I have brain damage… but I keep repeating the same things over and over in my head and also constantly thinking about the past and getting upset over the same trivial things… its like i cant get out of it and focus on the future or something positive.
I don’t know if it is brain damage, but since my recent psychotic episode I have grown more anxious and need 2 hours more of sleep. It also feels a little harder reasoning how i used to. I’m also far more susceptible to psychotic effects from cannabis. It is odd, might have been brain damage or otherwise it seems like something changed. What a burden psychotic disorders are. At least I now know I need meds to stay stable. I don’t want to find out what would happen if I went off again.