Being human is weird

Being a live is just strange some times. It’s really ■■■■■■■ complex.

Anyways was just thinking about thinking what I was thinking. Feeling the location of the words in my mind. Kind of freaked out a bit. It’s just so strange. I kind of want to continue thinking about it. I think I’ve found myself a more normal mental experience and now I’m analyzing it. Really not thinking about ■■■■ at all. At least it feels that way. The volume of my thoughts is almost muted. I just feel them.

That’s just the experience of the mind, let alone all the other strange ■■■■. Pooping sleeping dreams drugs sz the entire civ machine…

And it all takes place in this mysterious and huge universe.

Even real life is strange.

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Now I’m thinking about my cat dieing… Little bugger has such a cool personality. He probably feels the way I’m feeling right now all the time.

■■■■■■■ crazy ■■■■. I’ve got another decade before I really have to worry about the little dude closing his eyes for the last time.

I’m watching Cosmos on netflix and was thinking about the universe and how everything is alive and dying… and there goes my train of thought.

Which cosmos? Sagans or Tyson?

I’m pretty sure that carl Sagan is the person who I choose to represent the idea of human potential. He was a master of knowledge and scientific perspective.

Before the illness he was a role model. I’ve learned though that I’m not nearly as smart as he was. Churned out writings for decades.

Then there was cosmos. Almost every single line was brilliant and filled with information.

Tyson’s. It’s pretty and scary.

Have you ever noticed that when properly engaged in something you seem not to think at all. The thinking then is in the doing, rather than separated from, or prior to it. The ‘flow’ they sometimes call it. Engaged in a good conversation you don’t think before you speak, you think as you speak. Similar when fully engaged into sports or games. To me that’s the best experience, not to ‘think’ at all but just acting. Of course, you cannot stop to notice and enjoy your not thinking at all, as soon as you try to it will disappear! I seemed to have been observing my thoughts more when I was symptomatic. Constantly metacognizing, and every experience became articulated in inner speech. I’m glad the more tacit way of relating to the world has come back.

I only saw 1 or 2 episodes and wasn’t very impressed. If I had access to it id probably watch through all of it.

Feel you man. I feel like I relate to you a lot in some ways as in everybody else seems to be a very good communicator and I just don’t get it. Now I see my normal people problems are much more important than my telepathy problem and voices problem and my not so magical problems. (edited)

You sound like you’ll get everything figured out. First you gotta figure out how you want your mind to work and then work to make it a reality. There is so much ■■■■ that I don’t want to think about any more. With or without telepathy.

The psychotic cycle has finally broken. I’m linear again. At peace and ready for the next thought.

Haven’t really seen the world this clearly since before I got sick. Understanding the illness took a lot of time but it’s something you kind of have to do before you can take your mind off of it. For me anyways.

Someone how thinking about my cat just opened the door for me to feel love again. The actual desire to interact with a life form. Knowing that every second is priceless because we will all perish.

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Dude ■■■■ yeah man! Good to hear that you are feeling good. And Idk if animals really think about death so your cat probably wont die in pain, but it’s still sad for us humans.