And it’s given me reminders of how I felt during the relationship. i was wrought with indecision and anxiety about our future together as she had a child and I didn’t want to be a part of her child’s life-even though she said repeatedly that I would not be, but i think she was just delaying the inevitable clash of lives we’d have, if we moved in together.
but at the same time now I wonder if it would have worked out with her if I did listen to her. was i thinking more about the future than she was?
Yeah man, best to move on. Remember the good times and learn from the mistakes. Unfortunately dating is a numbers game. Its even tougher for us with SMI.
Yeah man, seious mental illness. I have had neurotypical friends and family who struggled with modern dating. If you’re going to message her, try and check her socials and see if it looks like shes single first. I wouldn’t bother if she’s with someone else.
Yeah I think I just need to bide my time and focus on me for a while. Like someone else said here, doing that is the key to recovery and finding someone new.
The less I know about what she’s doin and who she’s seeing the better. I’d like to speak to her again but I’m just not ready yet.
I need to find my own source of happiness first, even if I stand to risk losing her.
maybe its better to read hegel s opinion about regret
While Hegel did not dedicate a specific treatise solely to the topic of regret, his philosophical system offers a framework for understanding it, particularly within his concepts of self-consciousness, freedom, and the unfolding of Spirit in history. Here’s a breakdown of how Hegel’s ideas relate to regret:
1. Regret and Self-Consciousness:
For Hegel, self-consciousness arises through interaction and recognition by others. Our actions and choices shape our self-understanding. Regret, in this context, can be seen as a negative self-assessment based on past actions, a realization that a different choice might have led to a more desirable outcome or a more positive self-image.
Through reflection on past actions and the feeling of regret, the self becomes aware of its capacity for agency and the consequences of its choices. This awareness is crucial for the development of self-consciousness and the understanding of one’s freedom.
2. Regret and Freedom:
Hegel’s concept of freedom is not simply the absence of constraint but the understanding and acting in accordance with the “universal will” or the rational order of things. Regret can arise when an individual realizes their past actions were not in alignment with this rational order or their own true interests, leading to negative consequences.
The experience of regret can motivate individuals to learn from their mistakes and strive for greater self-awareness and rational decision-making in the future, thus moving towards a fuller realization of freedom.
3. Regret and the Philosophy of History:
Hegel views history as the progressive unfolding of Spirit (Geist) towards greater self-consciousness and freedom. Individuals, even when acting on their own desires and passions, unknowingly serve the larger purpose of Spirit’s development.
From this grand historical perspective, individual regrets might seem insignificant in the face of the “cunning of reason,” where even negative actions can inadvertently contribute to historical progress.
However, Hegel also acknowledges the “infinite right” of individuals to have their needs and insights satisfied. Therefore, while history might move forward through conflict and even tragedy, individual suffering and regret are not simply dismissed.
4. Overcoming Regret through Understanding and Reconciliation:
Hegel’s philosophy emphasizes the importance of understanding the past and reconciling with it. This doesn’t necessarily mean erasing past mistakes or the feelings of regret, but rather coming to terms with them within a larger framework of understanding.
Through reason and reflection, individuals can gain insight into the causes and consequences of their actions, potentially leading to a sense of reconciliation with the past and a movement beyond paralyzing regret.
In the context of Spirit’s development, understanding the historical necessity of certain events (even those that caused suffering or regret) can lead to a form of reconciliation at a collective level.
In summary, for Hegel, regret is a significant aspect of human experience that arises from self-consciousness and the exercise of freedom. While individual regrets might seem small within the grand scheme of history, they play a role in the individual’s development of self-awareness and the striving for rational freedom. Ultimately, Hegel’s philosophy suggests that through understanding and reconciliation, individuals and societies can move beyond the negativity of regret towards a more comprehensive grasp of themselves and their place in the unfolding of Spirit.
That sounds interesting. It poises regret as a tool for progress.
But I dunno man. Now that I’m 30 I feel like I’m veering to the point of settling down. I always wanted to find someone I could make a life with, not necessarily with children but just the two of us. My ex gave me that but my stupid azz wouldn’t listen to her bc i just kept worrying about being apart of her kids life.
I also wasn’g sure if my love for her was real. Whatever it was she was a big part of my life and I feel pain now
There’s no escape from that for me. I feel like i can’t handle knowing that shes with another guy.
If that was your only girlfriend I could see why you dwell on it, but if you were with a bunch of girls over your lifetime you would see a lot of similarities in women. I think I have a type when it comes to women or a lot of them have a lot in common. People react to who you are. Partners no matter who they are react to you. People can only react in healthy ways so many ways. If you’re a solid dude reacting the same over time in healthy relationships after awhile healthy relationships will react the same. it’s gonna be groundhog day in this mutha. Same same
I think that post diagnosis I’ve been feeling very little joy and happiness and excitment and since that dream I had its painted my first gf as the saviour of my misery. And she might be but the cost of going back to her would be entering into her kids life at some point which still scares me and its the reason we broke up.
When she reacted to me I wasnt so self concious about ny behaviour. I just was. Now after psychosis I am constantly monitoring myself. I understand your logic of reactions in a healthy relaitionship context but I’m not a healthy guy. I don’t think so anyway. Used to be a jealous guy.