well. i’ve had a pretty crazy month or so. generally i have been staying awake for 15-20 hours at a time and getting 3-4 hours of sleep every night. (was lucky with closer to 6 a few times)
your typical feelings of i can change my life and i can change your life and i can change the world if you let me
was on top of everything
made a few irrational decisions… have had all these great plans for myself but also no sense of direction. i’ve felt so happy this past month, absolutely nothing brought me down. i woke up this morning and i feel like this whole time i’ve been in a haze. i cried an cried this morning. it has been a long time since that happened… how can i go from feeling so full of potential and greatness to waking up and feeling the opposite ? i’m having a really hard time dealing with this… one thing that doesn’t fit the typical manic person, i get the exact opposite of hyper sexual.
It is the nature of the beast. I am the same way when I am manic. Then when it’s over I come crashing down and go from “I can do everything” to “I can’t do anything right”. The cycling between the extremes of mania and depression can be exhausting to say the least. Getting your whole world jerked around is no fun. My advice is work closely with your pdoc and your therapist, if you see one. Hope you get stabilized and feel some peace soon. You’re in my prayers.
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