Be honest the choice is yours

If your soul was shown a slideshow. You have 2 choices and must pick one. Would you rather be the sz or the sz’s soulmate / caretaker?

Right thats a hard one. I know sz sucks but the other option seems equally suck in different aspects. I dont like this exercise in seeing it from another perspective and picking between born into madness or mad enough to keep madness as a house mate.

Id let my soulmate pick and we shall rotate on reincarnations till we escape. Its a cop out but i posed the question…

Im sorry i was trying to make a think about it from your other halves point of view. But i desecrated my own activity with a buy time with jokes and a i refuse to answer honestly because over simplified situations are stupid.


I have no soulmate are caretaker. So I will stick with what I know schizophrenia.

I’d choose to be a caretaker anyday over having this illness. I know it’s hard but at least I can be the old self again.

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I refuse to chose, I want to be a lion that takes his revenge on poachers.

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Im joining your ghost in the darkness lion pride val kilmer will temble before us oh and martin sheen? Ghost in the darkness is a gory but great story about 2 lions who enjoy feasting on the humans building a bridge over their river. Losely based on fact they have the lions mounted in the Smithsonia.

I wouldn’t wish this illness on my soul mate.

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I would be the caretaker.

I don’t want either. I don’t want this. And I don’t want anyone else to have this–especially someone I love.

I’m content… no need to be someone else.

Honestly, if I had my choice right now I would have a cinnamon raisin bagel for lunch but I probably won’t have one today because life doesn’t always give you want.

Seriously though, in regards to your question it’s a lose-lose situation, right? The obvious answer is neither. But I think the lesser of two evils is being the caretaker.

Each choice has it’s own special hell that goes along with it but I think the majority of people would rather not be schizophrenic as opposed to being a caretaker. As schizophrenics we suffer more than the caretakers but both schizophrenics and caretakers suffer in different ways. But I can’t see anyone picking to suffer from schizophrenia over being a caretaker. Both choices causes infinite pain and either choice disrupts lives.

Maybe my answer does not really answer your question, and maybe my answer does not really pertain exactly to your question. But you’re right, over-simplification is not always good.


I’d prefer to be the caretaker. I know it’s an impossible, devilishly hard role to play, but sz messes with who you are as a person. It can destroy your being. That is frightening to me.

I don’t think this is something you get a choice in.


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If I really had to make this choice, I would choose to be the one with sz. It sucks to struggle with mental illness, but the pain of not being able to help someone or force them to help themself when you love them, for me personally is a much greater pain.

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There is no choice with sz, so maybe I would choose caretaker and walk away from sz since at that point I would have a choice. I would be devastated, but would not blame my husband if he walked away from this.

I often ponder about what I put my family through when I was refusing help… refusing meds…

I think back on when my head circus was winning

I don’t think I could choose either one… both were hell.

Think about any illness… any situation that brings pain…

I think the choice to make is to do what I can to get better.

For me that was meds… therapy and learning how to ask for help

for others it could be a different path

The SZ most definitely… The caretaker’s have no idea what’s really going on in the mind nor how to correct it.

They can only push stupid bull crap like meds, exercise, sleep… basic crap that doesn’t resolve the inner conflict… only sedates it and provides the appearance of functionality and recovery… so much so that THEY can be at peace…

because as sooon as the SZ starts talking about what is going on in their mind… welp the cycle repeats until they shut up about it.

I wish I wish I wish… the world was set up so I could discuss my issues without this occurring. but these people have no insight into my worldview or self-view… in fact its often incompatible with theirs. They get to regard me as mentally ill… it’s dismissive… it shelters them.

■■■■ the normies

if I ever have to become dependent on them again… I will likely have many frustrations in my life.

still ironing out the kinks before I try and start working more. Financial independence = independence overall… even being able to free yourself from their influences and opinions…

My father doesn’t do anything to affect my opinion… only offers advice when I need it. He provides 98% of the support I get from my rents… they’re separated…

My mother on the other hand… cooks me dinner every couple of weeks… she did bail me out one month when I couldn’t make ends meet… even went above and beyond that time. It was unecessary, but I was grateful. Then later she guilts me and tries to make me worried about it happening again, reflecting her own worry. By then though… I had already sorted out a thorough budgeting system… that was 4 or 5 months back…

anyways… if I talk to her about anything life related she starts stress and it devolves into an argument. She feels like she does everything for us… She rarely talks to my brother… I keep in contact with her because I know she needs a stronger family connection… but to hell with that when she turns on me… starts to try and make me feel guilty… she’s going out of her way to establish a position of unquestionable respect she doesn’t deserve. Or can’t really lay claim too. I respect her out of the debt I owe her for taking care of me all these years… especially the stint where I was bed-ridden and psychotic.

It’s like postpartum depression… She works all the time… she even has her retirement planned out… but other than that she seems directionless.

Out all the ■■■■ she puts on me about managing my chemistry and how it affects my mood… she doesn’t employ any of that on herself…

Tough people like feeling stressed out I think… they probably feel like they are venting legitimate frustrations that they come across throughout the process of maintaining their life obligations… Non-sense though… if they had better moods those frustrations wouldn’t be as harsh…

Must be confusing though… to come from a totally christian and strict family… to try to maintain a failing marriage and raise the lot of us kids… to wind up with all the life-structures that she was raised to know dismantled and incompatible… to be primarily alone… as a female not quite ready for this timeframe of feminine independence and self-support. Constantly struggling to subdue her natural thinking that stood for decades about her expectations and try to find a balance that makes her feel as capable as the unfortunately male role models that she had carrying the weight of her and her families life…

Shooting for the moon… it would seem she thinks she can’t show any weakness… she has to have total understanding… she has to be the dominant sociopath my father seems to be. But she is busy… she can’t take the time to expand her knowledge base on a whim… especially not in conversation. Leaving her short-fused and quick to defend what she does know so she can maintain a sense that it is all she needs. Again she is to busy… job on salary… affects nearly every corner of her life…

I don’t want her financial advice… I don’t want her advice on diet… I don’t want the guilt she puts on me when I start talking about my illness… She goes as far as to say that if I’m like the way I get at times when I’ve had the combo of coffee/alcohol/nicotine… that the girl I’m interested in will never want to be with me… that’s when I have to remind her that she started the argument and riled me up. And while I speak sternly and clearly… and I try to make sure that the discussion unfolds properly, evenly, even when it shouldn’t be. She makes it out to be that my concerns are irrational… that my response and self defense shouldn’t be there… meanwhile she is totally right…

Summer starts setting in… the illness suppressed by the colder months start infecting more people… everyone gets sick… god kind of a shitty time-frame.

I needed to vent some of that crap… been floating around in my head for a while.

Caretaker. My family didnt do much, although they say they suffered, from knowing that i suffer. But honestly, i dont think its the same, as having your entire world shaken up and turned inside out and feeling like a total pissant.

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