Bad Urges. *trigger warning*

DX'd - Other
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I sometimes have urges to do something bad. For example:

I was just washing dishes (it’s rare) and had to wash a couple very sharp knives.

I had the most intense urge to grab the blade and run it down my hand.

That urge wrestled with my mind the whole time while washing the knives. It was a very strong urge. I even saw in my mind the image of me slicing my hand open. It was very graphic.

I never self-harm, so that was really out of place for me.
I’m usually super afraid of hurting myself.

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Is that just for self harm with these urges? Worth mentioning to your pdoc. The butterfly project is something else to look in to. Lots of support on the net with it. The main rules are.

  1. when you feel like you want to cut, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly wherever the self-harm occurs.
  2. name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
  3. NO scrubbing the butterfly off.
  4. if you cut before the butterfly is gone, it dies. if you don’t cut, it lives.
  5. another person may draw them on you. these butterflies are extra special. take good care of them.
  6. even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support.

I hope that helps.

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The weird thing about it all is that I never ever thought of self-harm. I’m very against it.

Today was the first time I’ve ever had this urge. It really took me aback.

I really had to wrestle with the urge. My mind was saying “No, that would hurt and have lots of blood loss”. While the urge was just replaying the urge of me slicing my hand up.

It was really strange for me.

I don’t know what this is.

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I occasionally get these inserted thoughts about self-harm. I can’t say (for me) that it’s an ‘urge’ but rather a fear that I will lose control of myself and do something awful. For me I up my meds. I also keep 911 handy in case I feel overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to call 911 or go to the ER if you are afraid you will harm yourself. Good luck.

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I used to imagine myself sticking my fingers into light sockets, jumping off ledges, drinking poison. I didn’t want to do any of those things, but I was terrified that because I could think them, I might do them if I didn’t pay close enough attention to myself.

I never did any of them. They’re called intrusive thoughts, and they really don’t mean anything at all. Just notice them like leaves floating down a stream and let them float away.

You should talk to your doctor or therapist about them if they’re very troubling. They may have some advice for you. But they don’t mean anything about you and there’s no reason for you to worry that you’ll act on them.

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I felt that fear that I might lose control and do it.
It was scary.

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There was a lorry with the engine on and door wide open no driver I had the urge to get in and drive but I thought he was testing me so I was the bigger man, I get urges to smash my ex mates cars up because I thought they plotted against me, had the urge to burn my sisters wedding dress cus she was talking inside my head, I’m glad I didn’t do these things but I wish I did em

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It is really scary to fear that you will lose control. It is a form of extreme paranoia. I get inserted thoughts like that here and there all the time but the last time I was totally overwhelmed with fear, I went to the hospital for 3 days while it passed. It absolutely sucks to feel like that.

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I get ones like that all the time, I got a lot better at ignoring them telling them to go away and stuff. one was heating a knife up and cutting scars into my face.

I have self harmed in the past badly too but now I have a lot more support and if the thoughts are too much I can use a red pen on my hand that snaps me back out of it or there is the 15 mintue game where I do something for 15 minutes and if am able to ignore the thoughts I keep push for 15 more minutes the thoughts get bored and stop after like a hour.

I am honest about this all my family knows if I get than I normal try to find some one to be with just in case.

Guess I am trying to say your not the only one and yes is scary very but is it able to be contorled and managed

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I have a bit of history with ex cutters. Think I fit the profile also as sometimes struggle with doing it also. Posting it once a youtube clip was posted which I will try too look for later.

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Sides effects I freak out if I cannot find one of my red pens :frowning: and I have learned to cook and bake with out use knifes! Close to everything I cook now I can do with out having to cut stuff up.

Or dad cuts it for me is cheating :stuck_out_tongue:

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I will tell my Psychologist tomorrow. I have an appointment.
I really hope this doesn’t cause me to get put into a Psych Ward.

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Found the video but has been removed from youtube (if that makes sense). Sorry on that.