When I was 22 I saw this one doctor who I said to him “NO ONE HAS HAD A TOUGH A LIFE AS ME”… He said "that’s not true because you’ve never been abused.
And I kind of said “I guess you’re right” and believed for so long I wasn’t abused.
But you don’t have to be abused by your parents or raped to be abused.
When I was 11 (a little after the trauma started) I was in the bathroom minding my own business taking a piss when my friend goes up to me and looks down and says “Omg it’s so small”. And told the whole grade I had a small ■■■■■. I was made fun of for years and never got over it, there was nothing I could say in defense.
I became delusional and hallucinated a lot due to that and a couple other experiences.
I never did drugs until I graduated hs…never drank more than literally one sip of alcohol. Time went on I began self medicating with weed and alcohol…the weed and alcohol made me very grandiose. Then I started using hallucinogenic drugs (lsd) and started becoming interested in ego loss and enlightenment.
It really worked as OKAY medicine for a while, it had its benefits and it had its negatives. Prolly gave me more delusions but also gave me some insight. So the 9th time I did lsd I was becoming bery grandiose and this upset a posse of skater kids. So they broke into my house while I was under 5 tabs of lsd, drunk and high on marijuana. They began ■■■■■■■ with my mind. It escalated to them pulling out knives and threatening me with it, throwing knives at walls. They committed other acts of violence and exposed me to violence, trashed my whole house purposely. Everything that could have gone wrong had gone wrong…
I started sobering up and was angrily psychotic. I was gonna kill them literally when my friend (the same one with the penis thing from my childhood) calls me on the phone and said “YOUR EGO”… I said “I KNOW”…and went and apologized to the skater kids for threatening me…they were confused I apologized, they knew what they did.
Time went on as you can imagine all the consequences of what happened to me.
I’m just lucky I’m sane this day. And happy.
But I just wanted to say F you to that doctor who said I’d never been abused. Just because my parents are nice and not the abusive type doesn’t mean life’s just been “oh he happened to get schizophrenia”. It was much worse than that.
I was so in denial about all these events for so long I completely blocked them out my head and pretended my life was great when deep down I was miserable for many years.
I’ve been through a lot, have no regrets, but f anyone who makes assumptions.
Thanks for reading and sorry if my gory story is a bit obscene but that’s how it went for me. Karma that I’m better than I ever was now.