Had a bad night last night. Was seeing a lot of things, locked myself in my room and didn’t eat anything. Very bad intrusive thoughts and disorginized thinking (even now) thought my bf and roommate were laughing and talking about me…
Texted my boyfriend saying if they werent out in five minutes I would scream as loud as I could. They didn’t listen so I started screaming as loud as I could. (I live in an apartment, sorry neighbours ) after a while, I was left alone. I relapsed and cut myself pretty badly. (a voice told me to do it) then I went out into the rain.
Was running from cops, since I thought they were looking for me. ( I HATE COPS) and sent some bad messages to my boyfriend breaking up with him, and saying how they would never find my body and I would haunt him. This I guess led him to actually calling the cops, so the town seemed to be swarming with them.
I went into the dark forest, and I think I probably wouldn’t have gotten found if my boyfriend hadn’t threatened to call my mum. (I hate to worry her) so we met up somewhere in the forest. I was super wet at this point and was starting to go catatonic. We walked home slowly since I was terrified of the police and they were out looking for me.
We made it home, my boyfriend had to tell the police that he had found me and I was safe, but they said they had to see me!!!
They came into my house it was awful! Asked me some questions about my diagnoses and why I didn’t like cops… I just held my kitten the whole time or else things could have ended badly. (I have thought about attacking a cop so they shoot and kill me before) they left but that unsafe feeling never went away. I just really hate cops. Ew ew ew.
Got into dry clothes, ate my first meal of the day, and took my medication and went to bed. Still trying to get over my bad thinking today. My arm hurts and I feel like I’m in a bad dream. Still seeing quite a lot more then usual.
In general, I had a very shitty night last night. I hope all yours was better than mine.
Yeah I believe you should focus on the medication to get better at the moment because I’m going through a similar situation with voices and anxiety, I want to get better faster but I know it’s not going to happen overnight.
@everhopeful I’ve tried them all with not much luck, lastly was on risperadone but the doctor switched me to an anti-convulsant called tegratol. I’m also on some anti depressant and Ritalin
Clozaril is used when all other antipsychotics have failed. It requires you to have regular blood tests to make sure it’s not messing with your cell count though.
I tried quite a few antipsychotics and abilify worked for me so I didn’t need to go on clozaril.
That sounds like a terrible night. I’m not sure if you are stabilized yet. You might consider checking into the hospital for a few days. There are medications that can help you, you just have to find the right one. Ritalin might also be making you worse. I’d get a second opinion from another dr or one at the hospital. Please stay safe, you are very special
@everhopeful yes when I was around 15-16 I switched to that from seroquel and I had a bad reaction and had to stay in the hospital for a while. I guess I lost conciousness and was jerking and seizing. Haven’t tried it since but maybe it happened because I was younger, not sure.
Yeah I’ve thought about this since it seems to give me worse anxiety. However it helps me wake up early and I’m able to do some tasks which is a miracle for me at this point. It’s for an ADHD diagnoses that now that I’m older I’m not too sure I have.
I’m not sure about this one, I’ve been in the hospital with homicidal thoughts and they’ve just let me go home. I’ve tried admitting myself into the hospital quite a few times when I have been in a severe psychotic state and they let me go. Even when I said I had a plan for suicide. It just makes me feel stupid and attention seeking when they turn me away so I try not to go back unless it’s extremely bad.
With the hospital I find it’s best if you have someone go with you and tell them you need to be there too. It could be an insurance thing also. I’m glad to hear that your not afraid of going. I’d go with the plan to get your meds changed. You can show that you’re hurt too.
Also different hospitals are different. Some hospitals are definately better than others so see if you can go with the one that has the best reputation for psych. Hope this helps
@Moonwalker yes my local hospital has little beds for psychiatric patients due to overpopulation. I’m Canadian though so insurance shouldn’t have anything to do with it. There’s a really nice big new hospital but it’s over 2 hours away so maybe I’ll just go there if I need to.
By what you’ve said I think it’d be a worthwhile trip because I think your meds are all messed up. Some drs are not that great and others really know what they’re doing. Getting the right med is everything. I’ve heard so many stories about people who wasted years away on the wrong meds
I agree with Moonwalker that you might think about checking into the hospital for a while, just to decompress and get stabilized on med’s. There are a lot of med’s out there. The med’s that worked for me were Geodon and Seroquel. For some people Geodon is the answer.
) after a while, I was left alone. I relapsed and cut myself pretty badly. (a voice told me to do it) then I went out into the rain.